Year in Review - 2016 (Stacy)

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? Became the mother of TWO teenagers, as my youngest turned 13! In addition to some serious birthday celebrating, we also threw him a surprise half-birthday party outside in the summer with all his neighborhood buddies since his birthday has been messed up at times by winter weather. Went away for an overnight trip to NYC with my husband - haven't done that since having kids. It was a wonderful trip and we saw two Broadway shows together there - "Waitress" and "Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812." Saw "Hamilton" on Broadway with Mark and the kids - amazing experience! Hosted a bunch of people I'd never met before at our home - for Kate's 16th birthday, we had a big celebration with several of her online Supernatural fan fiction-writing friends from all over the country. They are wonderful girls and it was a fantastic time! Started teaching my daughter to drive. Took my daughter to her first show on Broadway - Les Miserables! We went by train just the two of us and had such a lovely day! Helped my daughter get ready for her first college classes and her first school dance (homecoming with a friend). Saw Weird Al in concert with my family and a friend of ours visiting from out of town. Went to see a Broadway show ("Something Rotten") in NYC with my in-laws (it was my son's first show on Broadway and my mother-in-law's first show on Broadway as well). Yes, this has been quite a Broadway year for us! Visiting the aquarium in Baltimore. Visited Lavallette, NJ for a few days at the beach in the spring. We had so much fun! We enjoyed the beach, good food, joking around, playing games (particularly a new game my son has designed), and singing for our ice cream at The Music Man ice cream parlor! And our first night there, Morgan's family met us at a restaurant and we enjoyed each other's company for dinner and ice cream. Nolan even bought us our first orange creams! Took NOH8 pictures in Washington, DC. Watched the entire Gilmore Girls series with my son. Very special. Enjoyed the revival as a family when it came out. Saw "Allegiance" at the theaters (where they broadcast a recording of it) with friends and it was excellent. Saw "Book of Mormon" at the Hershey Theatre and it was honestly disappointing. It wasn't offensive to Mormons; it was just offensive in general. Where it could've been witty and clever (and to be fair, it was at times), it was way too on the nose, crass, and in your face. It was lots of shock value and that's not my kind of thing. We've had quite a year! Really, I know it's been a bummer year for a lot of people and that there have been a slew of celebrity deaths and a horrible election, but all of that aside, it's been a pretty great year for us. We're happy and tired.                   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Well, I said this in my post from a year ago: "Less Facebook. More blogging." Honestly, I didn't do so well. Facebook, if I'm being honest, took a lot of my time this past year. I don't beat myself up too much for it. I'm learning to be gentle with myself. My therapist even advised me that as we work through my stuff, a little escapism like that is not only normal, but okay to do and good for me right now. That being said, I'd like to do less Facebook and more other stuff. Mostly this year, we're trying to do less, be home more, and not schedule ourselves too much. We want to be more available to play games if we feel like it and just generally chill. Be a little more low-key. Oh, and I'm really going to do the hibernation thing this year! Yay!    
 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My sister-in-law Emily gave birth to baby #5!


4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully. It's been a hell of a year for celebrities, though. The ones that hit me hardest were probably Alan Rickman and Carrie Fisher, because fandoms. George Michael was a big favorite from my teen years, too, so that was also a bummer. All 3 were pretty shocking and way too young.


5. What countries did you visit? We didn't visit any other countries, but we enjoyed a visit to the aquarium in Baltimore, some literary sites and museums in Massachusetts, our annual week at the beach in Delaware, some time at the beach in NJ, a visit to DC, and we've spent a lot of time in NYC (at least 4 times for me!).     


6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? Downtime (and we're already working on that beginning with a winter hibernation). Hope, politically speaking. This past year was rough. The election process is way too long and the only person who I truly trusted and believed to be the best leader of our country was cheated out a nomination due to what I consider my (former?) party's greed and deceit. I'm Bernie all the way. The fact that an idiot fascist just got voted into the office of President in our country . . . I can't even. It's been dark since the election. For me and for many others. It's hard to hold on to hope sometimes. I try, though, by being politically active in my local community and by being vocal about national politics and social issues as well.   


7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? My son's 13th birthday and his two celebrations - a 13-hour party in January and a surprise, half-birthday neighborhood party in the summer. My daughter's 16th birthday celebrations - the visit from the Supernatural fangirl friends as well as a murder mystery dinner party here with local friends. Reading "Little Women" with the kids and then visiting Louisa May Alcott's house (as well as other places like the Boston Science Museum) in the spring. All of our trips to NYC to see so many Broadway shows! They are all special for different reasons - one to see one of my favorites with my daughter for her first time, a couple of days away with my husband to see two more, another trip with my in-laws to see one for my son's first time as well as my mother-in-law's first time, and, of course, seeing "Hamilton" (and the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island) as a family! And probably in an unfortunate way - the stupid election.   
   


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I recently recognized that this past year has included no drama with family or friends. It's been a perfectly lovely year. If you read my post from 2015, you can see more of the groundwork being laid for emotional health, boundaries, and self-respect. It's been an amazing journey so far. I'm not 100%, but I've come a long, long way. I've gotten far more in tune with my own personal radar and have been polishing it and trusting it and learning how to use it. I've learned to better balance time for myself instead of running myself ragged at my own expense while giving to everyone around me (my caveat being that I continue to enjoy giving to my husband, kids, and dog). I've become much clearer about recognizing takers and users and have learned to step waaaay back from toxic people (and I don't miss them!). I've learned to stop chasing down the love and affection of those who are clearly not interested in giving it - that's a LOT of self-respect to gain. I've learned to balance my time better with more time at home with family and less time running around (this is probably at least somewhat linked to the takers/users thing, but also just getting in better tune with what I want to do and what I don't want to do - I'm so tired of overextending and am valuing down time with family even more than usual - which is a lot!). I've noticed that, due to past betrayals and hurts, if someone close to me gets close to people I no longer trust, that while I've learned to not take it personally, I do get triggered, fearful, and I back away to protect myself from further, possible hurt. Whether or not that's the best response, it is my response, and for now it's a helpful and protective one and has been working well. By choice (and a bit of mental health necessity due to my sessions), I've gotten together with friends a little less this year, but when we have gotten together, it's been really, really nice. Things feel a little more balanced. I would also say that pulling off a birthday visit with all the "Supernatural Girls" and filled with fun "Supernatural" surprises was an accomplishment, as was surprising Max with a surprise summer half-birthday party. Oh, and getting my kids back and forth to York every day for a week so they could do a week of homeschool theater camp ("Peter Pan!"). I felt pretty awesome about that. Oh! And we got some home projects done this past year, too - the basement, our "command center," our magnetized spice rack, etc.
   


9. What was your biggest failure? Like I say every year, I don't like to think in terms of failure. It is what it is. I like the quote that says, "I never lose. I either win or learn."   


10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I have chronic neck pain, but no major illness or injury, thankfully.     


11. What was the best thing you bought? Definitely the new (it's used, but new-to-us) van. Our other car was 17 years old and you don't realize how old your car is until you get a new one and the difference is astounding! It drives so smoothly and though we didn't opt for a lot of bells and whistles, it does have some cool features - some are considered standard, but they're super fancy to us. The seat warmers are pretty snazzy. And we also really like that we can hook our phones up to it and listen to podcasts, music, make calls (not that we do that much), etc. Plus, it's doesn't feel like it's falling apart! Woot!      


12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I love my answer from a year ago. (That one is about Mark.) This year, I'm going to go ahead and say mine! I mean, I've seen growth and maturity in all of my family members - my husband, my kids, even the dog. I have a hard time giving myself credit or allowing myself to pat myself on the back sometimes. But on this one, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say that I've worked damn hard this past year and have made a lot of progress. I consciously work to focus on all that I have and love and forget about the rest. I have continued to see a therapist over the past year and I've made mad progress. I no longer run around seeking the approval or attention of those who aren't interested. I just choose to let it go and focus on those who do care. I exhausted myself for years chasing down love and approval and now, to let that go and focus even more on myself, my family, and those who are there for us . . . the difference in my emotional health and mental energy is pretty amazing. I've got a ways to go and there's more to heal and work on, but already I feel like a more whole and healthy person. I'm pretty proud of myself. I have a *really* hard time doing nice things for myself or spending money on myself and these sessions aren't covered by insurance, but Mark and I feel strongly that they're necessary and helpful and worth it, so I'm proud of myself for continuing with it when normally I would stress about it or feel guilty (there is some of that, not going to lie). I'm learning what my triggers are and noticing how I tend to respond and am working on tamping down unhealthy responses. Nothing means more to me than being a good wife and mom to my family and I know that working on myself like this is not only good for me, but also good for my family. 


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Um, I recently found out that a friend of ours that we know personally has been involved in some illegal activity and that is a hard (and weird) thing to learn. Our whole family has felt shocked and amazed that anyone would do something like that. The moral compass is strong around here! :P Principles matter. So yeah, that's been weird to learn about. Again, I like my answer from a year ago and I'll even copy a line from it that applies even more now because I've actually gotten better at it: "I'm learning to see the red flags and, instead of doubting them or pushing down the idea of them like I used to, notice them and be more cautious." I'm in far less one-way relationships. I've stopped chasing down those who would believe a rumor without asking first in order to clarify. I even wrote an entire email once to a friend of mine - it was asking what was wrong and explaining and expressing love and all of that. After I wrote it, I had the very clear feeling that I didn't want to send it. That I've worked too hard on myself to not have more self-respect than to keep chasing someone down, especially someone who tended to be moody and dismissive with me anyway. Just no thanks. So I didn't send it and I felt incredibly good about it! Also from a year ago: "Anyway, I'm just done with all of that. I'm beyond tired of being a doormat. I'm done. I'm done chasing down someone's affection or even their thoughts on things. . . . I'm being careful and not allowing myself to get immersed in others like I used to, not spend so much time on people. I'd give my ALL to help people, which sounds noble, but was also unhealthy and self-defeating. It was a coping mechanism that seemed like a good thing, but it can be too much. I lost myself in the process. Helping others is fine, but it needs to be balanced." I've been working hard on true relationships with those with whom I share interests or commonality or whose energy just meshes well. I've had relationships of convenience for years (you know the kind - you're in the same group and that's it). I've made a conscious effort to both turn inward and branch out. I do do nice and thoughtful things for others, but I don't go as crazy as I did before. As one of my good friends reminds me, "Chicken thighs are enough." (As in, a meal is sufficient; I don't have to knock myself out coordinating everything. So freeing!) From a year ago: "Since this question is more on the negative side, it lends itself to a kind of negative answer, but the truth is that so much good has come from what I've learned, not only in terms of insight, but also in terms of how I spend my time and with whom! My radar has sharpened and I feel better tuned in with more awareness and less fear. Hopefully I'm more empowered and less jaded. I want to model these things for my children - good, empowering relationships. Strong women. Strong men. Diversity. I'm just plain old tired of cattiness and pettiness and really want no part of it. Intentional reciprocity? Sign me up. Anything less? Nope." This has helped me in many areas. For example, my brother and only sibling has not spoken to me in 5 years. I have peace of mind and conscience that our interaction before he cut me out of his life was one where I told him I loved him. Someone suggested I reach out to him. No, I'm not the one who stopped talking to him. Even after our exchange, I learned from someone else that he "would never speak to me again." That was news to me! And when I interacted with him on my mother's Facebook page after that, his response was to block me entirely. He does not acknowledge my family, including his niece and nephew. And I understand that he's told my mother that if I were to call him or reach out, that he would hang up on me. Why on earth would I chase down that kind of treatment? This isn't about stubbornness. This is about self respect and boundaries. Society insists on some kind of severe family loyalty at all costs without taking into consideration that just because you share DNA doesn't mean it's a good or healthy relationship. I've learned that that phrase "family is always there for you" is, unfortunately, rubbish. Sometimes it's family and sometimes it's friends. Relationships take work and effort and love from everyone involved. I'm not interested in chasing down anyone - related or not - who clearly doesn't have the time of day for working on a relationship or for even asking how I am or being good to my kids. I'm good! I'm in a good place. It's a place where I no longer allow that kind of thing to conflict with my happiness or peace of mind. And honestly, less one-way relationships in my life save me work and turmoil, so it's not a loss. It's a gain. I'm modeling this for my children, too. You do work hard in relationships but you don't chase down those who have no interest in putting forth effort for you. I'm finding more balance in all of my relationships and it's making things clearer for me. I'm very grateful for good people in our lives.  
    
14. Where did most of your money go? Outside of the normal stuff like mortgages and student loans? Probably therapy. Also, Broadway show tickets and travel expenses to NYC. :P Both are totally worth it.  


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Broadway shows, taking NOH8 pictures, insights and progress in therapy, the Gilmore Girls reunion, a great visit from my in-laws, Jim's generosity, and my first away trip with my husband in years. I also got super excited about making my kids' big birthdays (13 and 16!) super special.    


16. What song will always remind you of 2016? Definitely all Hamilton songs!    


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a) happier or sadder? Happier. And more at peace.
    b) thinner or fatter? About the same, I think. Maybe fatter. I do think my metabolism is slowing, so I try to eat well and be balanced and I try to exercise as well.  
    c) richer or poorer? About the same? Like I said a year ago (and now add to that that our daughter is taking college classes): "Finances are so confusing. Also, costs of all kinds of things have gone up (health insurance, etc.) regardless of the fact that our income has not. . . . Then there's stuff like retirement, college savings, etc. - we've had years where we've been able to save and years where we haven't. I don't know. Like I said, finances are confusing." 2016 is a year where we splurged a little more (though, to be fair, we also cut back in some areas, too) - a new deck, a new van, trips to NYC. It's not like us really, but I think it's also good and related to personal healing. It balances out all the scrimping and saving we're always doing. It's important to have fun, too (and to not feel guilt about it!). Jim definitely helped us out, though, and we're grateful. It would've been a much more stressful year otherwise. We're not able to save for retirement quite the way most people do (no 401Ks, pensions, etc), but we do try. I'm so grateful for Mark's willingness and hard work that makes our lifestyle possible, especially making it possible for me to be home with the kids and for us to homeschool. Being a one-income family means we don't do as many extravagant things that many of our dual-income friends do, but we're okay with that because we prefer the day-to-day joys more than the big stuff overall. That being said, it's been fun to do more fun stuff, too. Those student loans hang over our head a bit, but we keep up on our payments and try to balance our lives. Our kids are getting older, so there's an even greater sense of urgency to have great experiences together.    


18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Mmmmm, I honestly can't think of anything. Mostly, I feel pretty good about this past year. It's been a great year and a lot of fun. I have no regrets.  


19. What do you wish you’d done less of? I'm going to use the exact same answer as this past year: "I'm pretty pleased with how I've spent my time overall, as I've been learning to be gentle with myself and allowing space for learning and healing. That being said, I've noticed how often I operate out of fear and I'd like to do less of that. Less fear, more intention. [me now: Hey! I think I've done been doing more of that!] Along those lines, I can also get sucked into brainless things as a way of avoiding things I *really* want to do, so I'd say I wish I'd done less Facebook." This continues to apply. I get pretty sucked into social media sometimes, especially lately with political stuff. I'd like to do less of that.
    


20. How did you spend Christmas? In our usual way - here with my fun family, eating great food, playing games, and enjoying how well we all know one another - such thoughtful gifts and so much excitement over giving and gratitude over receiving. We enjoy playing games and watching movies and simply spending time together! People often feel bad for us because we don't have extended family here with us at Christmas (and rarely ever have), but we're not depressed about it at all. We really love our holidays together! 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
     
21. Did you fall in love in 2016? Always. Mark and I celebrated 20 years of marriage this past year. 20 years of being married to my *best* friend. 


22. What was your favorite TV program? "This is Us." Great new show that we all watch together and look forward to every time it's on.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Ditto the answer from a year ago: "I honestly don't hate anyone. Mostly, I'm simply feeling empowered about who I choose to spend my time with. It has to not be a drain." I'm disappointed in people sometimes, but I don't hate them. Hate is such a strong word and it's so icky (though admittedly, I have my moments of resentment - don't we all?). 


24. What was the best book you read? I read a ridiculous amount of articles, so let's start with that. Okay, now books? I absolutely loved reading "Little Women" with the kids. I also enjoyed sharing "Rebecca" with them. I've read a bunch of graphic novels and I always enjoy those, especially memoirs. So for this one, I'll say "Nimona" and "Little Women." Two *very* different books.   


25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Hamilton, thanks to the kids. I also love, love, love the songs from "Waitress" and one especially makes me cry nearly every time and is special to me thanks to some kind words from Mark about it and thanks to our special getaway that he planned for us. I feel very lucky to be married to my best friend and I definitely feel loved and do not take that for granted.  


26. What did you want and get? A great year of more family time and fun. A new van. A bigger deck. New wedding rings (we have our old ones, but we got some fun, geeky, new ones for our 20th to sort of represent us now). Also even greater partnership and teamwork in my marriage and family. 
    


27. What did you want and not get? Bernie Sanders to get the Democratic nomination (and then the presidency). Otherwise, in general, I've stopped wanting that which is obviously never going to happen. It's more peaceful that way.   


28. What was your favorite film of this year? I kind of wish I could pick a Broadway show for this one, because it's possible we saw more of those than movies this year! I'm going to go with "Sing Street" as a definite favorite. I have a tradition with the kids of taking them on a date to their first PG-13 film in the theaters as a 13 year old and I try to find a good, indie film. This fit the bill excellently (good suggestion, Mark!). The music is great, too. Moana was also a terrific film.


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 42 - we enjoyed a nice, low-key day as a family. Mark made me a great breakfast sandwich, we got sushi and Starbucks, ate a lovely homemade dinner of chicken enchiladas, and played games. I also got delicious cupcakes from our favorite local delivery bake shop - chocolate, Irish cupcakes. Delicious! And around my birthday, I also get treated to lunch or dinner out by different friends, so I get to go out a few times and enjoy that, too. It's nice.     
    


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A Bernie Sanders win. No question. 


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? I've been wearing more dresses, boots, a denim jacket with dresses. I've dressed up for Broadway shows. Otherwise, it tends to be jeans and shirts and sweaters mostly. But I have been wearing jewelry more and just mixing it up a bit more in general. Nothing drastic. I like to be comfortable and feel good about how I look, too. My Ravenclaw pants are probably the most comfortable clothing I've gotten in quite some time and I love wearing them around the house. Oh, and I went pretty Steampunk a couple of times, too. 
    


32. What kept you sane? My family, Scout, therapy, the beach, games, TV, and some local groups we've joined and where we've gotten to know people and make new friends.  


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Bernie Sanders, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and Lin-Manuel Miranda.


34. What political issue stirred you the most? Inequality - by class, race, gender, sexuality, etc. I was also pretty put off by the neo-liberalism of the left and do blame it for at least part of the demise of the Democratic party's negative outcome in this past election. This Trump thing is a nightmare. I'm disappointed in both parties - Hillary and Donald are the best they could come up with? Shame on them all. Also, immigration. Seeing the whole word become so anti-immigration and anti-refugee is upsetting and alarming. Put all these things together and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that it hearkens back to a dark time in our history pre-WWII. How have people not learned? The ignorance and hatred must be healed and stopped. 
    


35. Who did you miss? Gary and Vivian. We had such a nice, long visit with them that after they left, we really missed having them here.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    


36. Who was the best new person you met? Well, there's the Faulkners (they're a lot of fun and our kids are close in age and their son even took Kate to homecoming this past year!), some other families we've met through some local groups, and all of Kate's Supernatural friends. I've also met some neat ladies through some groups I'm in online. We meet in person now and then for sushi and some really great conversation. I should've listed my therapist in this past year's wrap-up post, but I'll list him now, because he's great and I feel really lucky to have found him and am grateful for how much he's helping me.   
    


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. That I don't have to act on fear. That I can listen to my gut. That I can scale back on the things that don't feed my soul and spend more time doing those things that do. I've always known this, but my very favorite thing in the world is spending time together as a family - playing games, traveling, watching TV, eating, watching movies, listening to podcasts, reading, talking, joking around, whatever. Nothing means more to me than being a wife and a mom (and yes, that can be, and is, a feminist statement, because it comes from knowing myself and my choices). 


38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    
    
    

    "You Matter To Me" from Waitress

    I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes
    They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear
    Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you
    And I'll stay there as long as you let me
    
    Because you matter to me
    Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
    You matter to me
    I promise you do, you, you matter too
    I promise you do, you see?
    You matter to me
    
    It's addictive the minute you let yourself think
    The things that I say just might matter to someone
    All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away
    And for the first time I think I'd consider the stay
    
    Because you matter to me
    Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
    You matter to me
    I promise you do, you, you matter too
    I promise you do, you see?
    You matter to me
    
    And you matter to me
    Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
    You matter to me
    I promise you do, you
    (Out of hiding I'm right here beside you)
    You matter too
    (As long as you have me)
    I promise you do, you, you matter too
    (Out of hiding I'm right here beside you)
    I promise you do, you, you matter too
    (I do, I promise you do, you matter to me)
    I promise you do, you see
    You matter to me