Year in Review - 2017 (Stacy)

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Dealt with my husband having emergency abdominal surgery followed by 2 bouts of ensuing infections. Started touring colleges with my daughter. Saw my kids (Kate first followed by Max) discover a love of performing. Went on a trip to NYC with my son to see "Waitress" and met Jason Mraz! Attended a "Gilmore Girls Festival" in CT with my family and met all kinds of cast and crew - it was fabulous!  
                     
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think mostly yes. I said I wanted to do more "other stuff" outside of Facebook and I have. I also said we wanted to try to "do less, be home more, and not schedule ourselves too much . . . be more available to play games if we feel like it and just generally chill. . . . Be a little more low-key." I'd say we've done that and when we haven't, it was because we took on new adventures we wanted (theatre) or because we were dealing with stressful health issues. As for my winter hibernation, I'm doing pretty well with that, too. Cultivating Hygge!
   
   And yes, I'm doing the word of the year again and this year's phrase is "Live Imperfectly." I often let perfectionism get in my own way and I've been working on forging ahead without everything having to be just so. Let go of more, be okay with being a little messy, start or continue projects even if it's mid-week or even if my inbox isn't emptied first. Instead of approaching things with the attitude of "I'll do B once A is finished," I'm going to, more often, "Do B first." Learn from mistakes. Growth mindset. Live Imperfectly!     
 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I can't think of anyone, but I do have a friend who is 9 months pregnant right now and due any day, so that's exciting. Kate and I got to help plan and attend the baby shower just a couple of weeks ago.


4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.


5. What countries did you visit? We didn't visit any other countries, but we enjoyed a visit to Connecticut for the Gilmore Girls festival; lots of visits to colleges in Pennsylvania, Maryland, New York, and Massachusetts; our annual week at the beach in Delaware; some time at the beach in NJ; and a few trips to NYC.     


6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A cleaning service. Totally serious. I joked that that's all I wanted for Christmas. My husband thinks that's a lame Christmas gift, though, so he got me games and wrote me poems, and we're getting a regular cleaning service anyway. :P    


7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Getting to see a live taping of "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" with my son, his friend, and my husband (and almost getting into it with another patron). Seeing BOTH of my kids gain a love of performing (Kate in "Beauty and the Beast, Jr." and Max in "A Christmas Carol"). Mark's emergency abdominal surgery. That was so stressful. Seeing "Waitress" with each of my kids and getting to see Sara Bareilles with Kate and Jason Mraz with Max. And definitely the "Gilmore Girls Festival!"
   
   
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Greater inner peace and a *much* better ability to boundary set and spot red flags sooner and with more ease. I feel like my answers to this question over the past several years show a progression of emotional health and personal growth that blows my mind sometimes, and boy am I grateful for how far I've come. Health stressors aside, it's been a perfectly lovely year again! I know I've got a ways to go, but I've come a long, long way, too.
   
   Part of me says go back and read the answer from this past year and amplify it and you've got a pretty good idea of how I'm doing. Things continue to feel a lot more balanced. I'm no longer chasing down that which no longer does me good. I'm no longer nervously trying to please people around me, particularly if they are moody or volatile. And, I'm finally beginning to not put up with poor treatment from others. Specifically, until recently, I hadn't even noticed that I was putting up with others treating me in a way that I wouldn't ever treat another person! And I hadn't even noticed! It took therapy as well as good friends and family to point it out to me. If I wouldn't treat another person that way, why on earth was it okay for anyone to treat me that way? Talk about a double standard. So much good enters in when space is cleared out by time wasters, time drains, and negativity. There's freed up space for new and good things, including greater peace! I'm seeing this in terms of gains, not losses, because that's what it is! Oh, and I got invited to moderate a couple of online groups, so that's been neat. I've started some groups as well and those are going well. One of them is cooking related and that's been nice as we cook lots and it's nice to have inspiration.
   
   
9. What was your biggest failure? Like I say every year, I don't like to think in terms of failure. I like the "growth mindset" rather than the "fixed mindset" approach, and I hope this is what we teach our kids, too.   


10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Other than the usual chronic neck pain and banging up my knee pretty bad when I fell down the garage stairs at one point, I've been pretty good. Mark's emergency abdominal surgery and subsequent infections were definitely stressful and I'm glad he's doing better.      


11. What was the best thing you bought? I wish I could remember what prompted me to say to Mark, "This is nice. Why do we put off doing nice things for ourselves?" We tend to struggle with that - me especially. I think this was in reference to the Gilmore Girls Festival or perhaps the bigger deck we built a year ago, I'm not sure. But it is nice to enjoy ourselves!       


12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mark's, Kate's, and Max's.
    
    Mark and I have always felt we have an egalitarian marriage. We've never been afraid to think outside the box or do things differently than expected. Even then, there is always room for learning new things and enhancing our relationships. Several years ago, we started to learn about emotional labor. We read everything we could get our hands on about it. We love learning about societal assumptions and cultural trends and then questioning their value and seeking out changes, if necessary. This topic has been so eye-opening and I've got to give him MAJOR props for being so open about it, so interested, so willing. "Toxic masculinity" is not something I worry about with Mark as a husband or father. I love how willing he is to be vulnerable and how much he works at being his best and how he isn't afraid to be alongside me in my own struggles. He has been taking on more in his roles as dad and husband and this guy is truly enlightened and woke. I love this man. He is my best friend and I'm lucky to be married to him.
    

    

    Mark recovering from surgery/infections and teaching Kate to iron

    
    

    

    This, to me, is what it means to be a man

    Kate has been challenging herself in so many things. She has been moving herself outside of her comfort zone in her learning and experiences  She took on uncomfortable and difficult classes and not only earned an "A" after the professor scared everyone into thinking that would be impossible, but also made the Dean's list. She auditioned for a play, even though she was so scared and nervous. She blossomed on stage and discovered a love of performance. She pushed herself hard in SAT and ACT prep. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. And there were setbacks. But she kept on pushing through and approaching it all with an attitude of making it work and doing her best. It took a bit longer for her to get her license, due to various setbacks including Mark's surgery/infections and some backward PA procedures, but she persevered and didn't let it stop her. She took on the challenge of researching and visiting colleges and weighing out choices. She gave a lot of thought to whether or not to do a gap year. In all these things, I see her know herself and make good decisions for herself and I'm so proud of her in all she does. And while I love how hard she works, I also love seeing her enjoy and relax, too. She knows it's important and works on having balance in her life. And she does it with such seeming grace and ease! Though I know that sometimes it just looks that way and that the reality is that she works hard at it. I'm so proud of her.
    

    

    Auditions!

     
    

    

    Max as Young Ebenezer

    

    I love this picture of Max in the dance scene

    

    Kate positively glowing on stage

    
    
    Max has been growing up before my eyes - not just literally (he has gotten SO tall these past several months!), but as a young man, too. I've always loved seeing my kids transition from kid to young adult, and I'm definitely seeing that in Max these days. He is growing into his own. I see the little kid in him when he's outside playing with the neighbors and when he's hanging out in person or online with his friends, but I also see the young man he is when he takes care of his responsibilities at home and in his education and in his interactions with others. I see him taking on challenges and trying new things. I see him work on himself as a person and think deeply about things, people, and the world. I saw him take on his first job and work so hard. I saw him deal with stress and challenges like a pro. I see him stand up for himself. I have so many people - kids and adults - come up to me and rave about what a great person he is and how easy he is to talk to. I saw him soak up a week of video game design camp and even get recruited for some pretty big stuff - college, experiences, classes. I saw him audition for a play even though he was SO nervous. He did it because he pushed himself and because he wanted to have that experience with his sister. He got cast and then they added more parts for him, including speaking lines - something he wasn't seeking and about which he felt pretty nervous - and he rocked it all! I saw him develop yet another game and pitch it to a big time game designer. This kid . . .this young man . . . I am super proud.   
    
    Also, a MAJOR shout out to BOTH kids for their all-in help when Mark was in the hospital and for those 2+ months that we was dealing with repercussions at home. They are amazing people!


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  I never feel comfortable naming names on this one, so I'll just say that this past summer has to be one of the most stressful experiences we've ever experienced and it confirmed to me something I already knew - family is not always there for you. I've already experienced that before, but this really took the cake. Of all of our extended family on both sides, only one person offered to come help us and that is my sister-in-law Jessica. I'm so grateful to her. Had I known how hard things would get after the surgery (with the c. diff. infections), I think I would've taken her up on it. It was incredibly stressful and I was taking care of literally everything by myself with help from the kids and good friends (to whom I am so very grateful). Trying to keep things normal for the kids while caring for and worrying about Mark was HARD. Someone on my side of the family even told us repeatedly that she couldn't help us because she couldn't travel and then promptly left on an international cruise. Pretty damn shitty. So I learn from that and take notes on how different families operate (like, "Okay, that's how it is? Good to know!") and work on building my own family to be a unit where we care deeply about one another and help each other and care for each other. It didn't appall me (though it appalled many people I know), because it wasn't terribly surprising. And it didn't depress me, because I wasn't going to lose time and energy over it. It did anger me, but I'm okay with that. It propels me forward. Instead of wallowing, I can be pissed and move on. :) And I am. 
    
    The following pictures are in chronological order from the ER to surgery to recovery to subsequent bouts of infection - I took many of these to keep my in-laws updated on his condition (ugh, these are difficult to look through): 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
14. Where did most of your money go? Medical expenses, hands down. And maybe gas money, too - between kids' activities, camps, theatre, trips, and college visits, we're doing a bit more out and about with teens!  


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Gilmore Girls Festival. Strides made in therapy. Seeing my kids on stage.     


16. What song will always remind you of 2017? Probably Waitress songs as well as anything and everything from "The Greatest Showman" soundtrack. Oh, and Wassail songs. :P    


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a) happier or sadder? Happier. For sure. Invigorated.
    b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, I guess. Or about the same. I'm feeling the slight pull of middle age. I watch what I eat and am working on exercising more consistently.  
    c) richer or poorer? We're rich. So rich. I'm not talking money. I'm talking what matters. Like I said a year ago: "We're not able to save for retirement quite the way most people do (no 401Ks, pensions, etc), but we do try. I'm so grateful for Mark's willingness and hard work that makes our lifestyle possible, especially making it possible for me to be home with the kids and for us to homeschool. Being a one-income family means we don't do as many extravagant things that many of our dual-income friends do, but we're okay with that because we prefer the day-to-day joys more than the big stuff overall. That being said, it's been fun to do more fun stuff, too. Those student loans hang over our head a bit, but we keep up on our payments and try to balance our lives. Our kids are getting older, so there's an even greater sense of urgency to have great experiences together." And that's what I mean when I say we're rich.     


18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I don't know. We had been looking forward to working on some projects and then the surgery caught us off guard and pushed off a lot of things that we didn't get to, but aside from the scary surgery and difficult summer with all of that, it's been a good year.  


19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Um, that summer of stress and worry and health stuff was not at all a fun way to spend several months. I was running on adrenaline and didn't realize how much until after several months when things calmed down and my anxiety skyrocketed. Everything eventually stabilized and it's all good now. 
    


20. How did you spend Christmas? In our usual way - here as a family, eating great food (we did the feast of the 7 fishes but did it surf-n-turf style so there was plenty of food that Max likes, too, since he's not as into seafood as the rest of us), playing games, and enjoying the holiday together - such thoughtful gifts and so much excitement over giving and gratitude over receiving. Leading up to it, the kids were really involved in their play ("A Christmas Carol") and were sick with awful head colds the second week, too, so some of our usual holiday cooking was pushed back a bit, but we got ahead on shopping/wrapping, so that was nice! We've been playing a lot of games and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and simply spending time together. We really love our holidays together! 
    
    
21. Did you fall in love in 2017? Of course. I'm happily married to my best friend. There are ups and downs, but this past year has (again, stressful summer aside) had a lot of laughter and playfulness and I loooooove that.


22. What was your favorite TV program? We've recently gotten rather addicted to binge watching "Brooklyn Nine-Nine."


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope. I read a great article a while back about how friendships vary - some are for a reason, some are for a season, and some are for a lifetime. I'm appreciating all relationships for what they are and not forcing any of them to be something they're not. Caution, yes. Hatred? No. Well, I take that back. I kind of hate (with a touch of pity) Trump.   


24. What was the best book you read? My top 2 favorite books this past year were "Born a Crime" by Trevor Noah (audio version is excellent) and "A Man Called Ove" by Fredrik Backman.   


25. What was your greatest musical discovery? "The Greatest Showman" soundtrack. I love it!  


26. What did you want and get? A more low-key year. 
    
    
27. What did you want and not get? The garage cleaned out. An impeachment.     


28. What was your favorite film of this year? "The Greatest Showman." I related SO HARD to the Michelle Williams character. I was sobbing by the end of the movie. It was captivating and beautiful. 


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 43 and we enjoyed a nice day as a family. We also threw me a summer-themed birthday party with a ton of people and it was really fun! I especially liked the photo backdrop we did.     
    


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? No scary surgery. 


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? The same. Nothing profoundly different. In general, I care about looking presentable, but also comfortable. Sometimes make-up, sometimes not. It varies.
    
    
    
32. What kept you sane? My family. Scout. Good friends. My therapist. Most especially, when things got stressful this past summer, friends brought us meals, picked up groceries, gave rides to the kids, were listening ears for me, were available, were present. Lisa, Shannon, Tiffany, Angie, Devany, Desiree, the Dickinson, Linda, Pat . . . I'm worried about leaving someone out, but really, so many good people. Linda showing up at the hospital meant so much to me. Our friends here saw that no extended family were coming and they jumped in all they could and helped us survive. Friends from afar also helped out - Matt, Peter, Jimmy . . . so many good people doing what they could to ease our burden a bit. How lucky are we to know so many good people?!? Jim and my in-laws both helped us out with the financial stress of hospital bills and lost work. We are so grateful to everyone who helped us through a rough time.  


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hugh Jackman. Trevor Noah. Jonathan Pie. And still Bernie. 


34. What political issue stirred you the most? I've pretty much been consumed and appalled by the idiot in chief and even more upset with every member of Congress who does nothing to stop him. They are complicit. 
    


35. Who did you miss? Denise and Robynne. I've been missing both of them lately, and reminiscing on how much fun we all had together before they moved away.
    
    
36. Who was the best new person you met? Our Gilmore Girls friends were so much fun and we continue to be in touch with them. I'd also say Kelli - that's a burgeoning friendship that I'm enjoying. Also, it's so fun to meet all these new theatre people through the kids. I love seeing them develop such nice friendships, too.    
    


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. That it's possible to get better. To spot red flags and recognize them as such. That anger is a valid emotion and can propel me forward. That people are who they show you they are - believe them. That I can listen to my gut, because it's right. That I can feel happier and stronger.   


38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    
    
    

    "Tightrope" from The Greatest Showman Soundtrack

    
    

    Some people long for a life that is simple and planned
    Tied with a ribbon
    Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land
    To follow what's written
    But I'd follow you to the great unknown
    Off to a world we call our own
    
    Hand in my hand
    And we promised to never let go
    We're walking a tightrope
    High in the sky
    We can see the whole world down below
    We're walking a tightrope
    Never sure, never know how far we could fall
    But it's all an adventure
    That comes with a breathtaking view
    Walking a tightrope
    
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you
    
    Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between
    Desert and ocean
    You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream
    Always in motion
    So I risk it all just to be with you
    And I risk it all for this life we chose
    
    Hand in my hand
    And you promised to never let go
    We're walking a tightrope
    High in the sky
    We can see the whole world down below
    We're walking a tightrope
    Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?
    Well, it's all an adventure
    That comes with a breathtaking view
    Walking a tightrope
    
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you, ooh, ooh, ooh
    With you