Year in Review - 2018 (Stacy)

Wow, we really haven't blogged much this year. I suppose that, in and of itself, should give an indication of what life is like with teens - full and busy and wonderful and, consequently, not a lot of down time. Also, it seems I am perpetually behind on everything in my life. BUT I love doing these New Years posts because it's such a nice way to look back at the past year and get an idea of my own personal growth and an overview of what we've done and to help give some direction going forward. That's the goal anyway. So here goes . . .

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Became the parent of an adult. Saw "The Cursed Child" and "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "Dear Evan Hansen" on Broadway. Reconnected with a dear, old friend who moved to Delaware from Vegas. Worked as a poll worker. Started working for our library system giving classes on topics ranging from homeschooling to stress management. Did more volunteering at local community theaters as my kids have been in various plays and musicals, and have met some wonderful people in the process. Was in charge of props for a local community theater's production of "A Christmas Story." Hosted people from 5 different states for a great New Year's celebration. 
   
         
              
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think so! 2017's phrase was "Live Imperfectly." Embracing imperfection and not letting it get in the way of doing things . . . I'm doing better. It's still not 100% (imperfection!) and I have a ways to go and there are areas where it still holds me back sometimes, but I'm making progress. I find myself reminding myself, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." It's not easy and my inclination is still to be a perfectionist, but I'm easing up quite a bit and I have to say I like it. I'm getting to do more and be more present, because it's more about doing it generally than doing it perfectly. Too often in the past, if I couldn't do it perfectly, I'd just freeze and it wouldn't happen at all. That's just crazy because it's normal for there to be evolution, so I'm embracing imperfection more and jumping in more. 
   
   And yes, I'm doing the word of the year again and this year's phrase is a word and it's "some." A friend of mine (Devany) suggested it and it I loved the idea so she and I are both doing it and sharing with each other for some accountability. The idea is that we at least do *something* on our goals, be it exercise, writing, parenting, what have you. It's an extension of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good (don't let "all" be the enemy of "some") and it's baby steps, but that's the right direction and a good pace.  
 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, and we just attended Henry's 1st birthday party this past weekend!


4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my uncle Joe. It was shocking and sad. He was my favorite uncle and he and I have always kept in touch. We were going to visit him in Portugal in October and we hadn't told him yet. He died in April. :/ And we were also very shocked to hear of the tragic death of a friend of the kids and we are still reeling from that.
   
   


5. What countries did you visit? Didn't do as much traveling this year other than a couple of trips to NYC and our annual trip to the beach. It's been a busy year of theatre! Kate did go on a writers' retreat to VA. Looking to do more traveling in 2019 as part of Kate's gap year.     


6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? I said this in 2018: "A cleaning service. Totally serious. I joked that that's all I wanted for Christmas. My husband thinks that's a lame Christmas gift, though, so he got me games and wrote me poems, and we're getting a regular cleaning service anyway. :P" We did do this, but it lasted less than a year because the woman doing it switched to be a caterer. We only had her come once a month, but it was a nice break for us with how busy we've been. I think I'd like to find someone else and do it again, but barely feel like I have the time to look. :/
   
   I'd say - support? More than listening and understanding, some actual support. I get tired of not being heard or seen or believed. I've even noticed that when I ask questions, people don't always answer what I'm asking. They say something unrelated, answering what it is they *think* I'm asking. It's a little thing I used to not even notice, but it's built up and now it drives me crazy, because it's a symptom of a larger issue. I get tired of empty promises. I tend to be the one who reaches out and takes care of others all the time, but dammit, sometimes I have things I'd like to do, too, and I can't even imagine how much emotional exhaustion would be lifted if there were more support. I've grown a lot these past few years and I have better boundaries in place and am doing much, much better at spotting problematic people and staying away, for example, so now (still) I'd like to do more myself and support would be nice. It's like I've cleared out sooooo many cobwebs and now I'm stronger and ready and feeling better about doing some stuff I'd like to do, but support would make all the difference in the world in this area.         


7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Aside from the shock of hearing of my uncle's death and of that young friend of ours, there have been lots of good dates, too. Looking over the past year, there have been lots of great things our kids have been doing - writing awards, poetry contests, theatre roles (Kate as Hook and Max as Zazu and Lurvy are particular standouts), getting a game into the hands of a game design company, National Honor Society induction, jobs, college acceptances, student film festival screenings, local author festivals, student awards, camps (which also meant a fun week in Harrisburg for me and Mark), internships, Max building his own computer, you name it. I've also enjoyed reading To Kill A Mockingbird with Max, meeting Paula Poundstone with my family, seeing "The Cursed Child" on Broadway (wow!) for my daughter's 18th birthday, seeing "To Kill A Mockingbird" and "Dear Evan Hansen" on Broadway, RAIN SO MUCH RAIN, a fun Tony's party, seeing my daughter vote for the first time, seeing They Might Be Giants perform at a club (with friends), seeing the Mr. Rogers movie, meeting Bernie Sanders' campaign manager, a great family/senior photos photo shoot, registering people to vote (with my family), working the polls as a poll worker, teaching classes for the library, attending a writing conference with Kate, celebrating Kate's graduation, enjoying my online food group I started, Kate getting her wisdom teeth out, meeting John Cusack (!!!!!!!!), a full week at the beach (especially knowing Kate's going off to college next year), reconnecting with old friends (The Billings), Ren Faire with family and friends, Scout dressing up as a UPS driver, seeing Kate off to an adult writers' retreat in another state, seeing "Be More Chill" locally with friends, the college application process (so stressful and exciting), Max getting involved in the Big Brothers program as an awesome big brother, having a really nice article written up about me and the classes I'm teaching, SO MUCH RAIN, helping with props for a production, volunteering more with other parents at local theatres and seeing our theatre family and circle of friends grow, hearing fantastic feedback on how much people love our homeschool group and seeing it thrive, seeing my kids blossom into amazing singers, going to a friend's fun Halloween party, the shock of hearing of the tragic death of a friend of the kids, a beautiful celebration of that friend's life, a great holiday season, a guest for Thanksgiving, a great seafood dinner for our anniversary, seeing Kate get into all 5 colleges to which she applied, seeing Max work hard and level up in his game, a wonderful Christmas, a very full and happy house for New Years. Okay, so lots of dates.
   
   
      
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Ohh, this question kind of stresses me out. I've seen people ask it on social media, too, and I just read it and freeze and feel like, "What have I done?" I've definitely gotten better at boundary setting and I'm pleased about that. Not sure what else. I mean, we've done a lot of amazing things this past year, so I should probably give myself more credit than I do for just how much we've done as a family. I don't tend to think of that stuff as "things I've done," but the reality is that all of these things take time and coordination and research and effort, so I really should give myself some credit. Homeschooling kids and getting them into college - that's something. I mean, they do the work, but the actual process is a lot since we're the "school," too. Oh! The library hiring me to teach classes - that's been really nice and such a boost overall. I really enjoy teaching and interacting with people in a group setting. It's invigorating and I think I'm good at it.   
   
   
   
   
9. What was your biggest failure? Like I say every year, I don't like to think in terms of failure. I like the "growth mindset" rather than the "fixed mindset" approach, and I hope this is what we teach our kids, too.   


10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Other than than the usual mental/emotional stuff, no. I'm grateful for our good health.      


11. What was the best thing you bought? Hmmm, I can't think of any "things," since we're not big shoppers, so I'll go with experiences and say "Harry Potter and The Cursed Child" tickets!       


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?  My kids. Kate totally handled setting up gap year experiences and all kinds of college application stuff like a pro! She's doing so many cool internships and having some great experiences with both writing and theatre. And she can SING! It's great seeing her do things she loves. And Max has matured by leaps and bounds this past year - just so responsible and thoughtful and more grown up. He's more young man and less little boy and it's amazing to see him grow up more and more into who he is, you know? He's physically grown a lot (man, they outgrow shoes fast) and his voice has deepened (beautiful bass voice) and we've had to keep him stocked with clothes and shoes (and food!), and even beyond that, he's growing so much as a person. He has depth and thoughtfulness and is just GREAT to talk to about everything from politics to philosophy to psychology to religion to pop culture, you name it. I love these kids like crazy and genuinely enjoy spending time with them and talking with them. Oh, a shoutout to a person we know who didn't hold a grudge and let theatre be the vehicle for some good will. That was pretty impressive. 
    
    
    


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  Hmm. I'm having a hard time thinking of anyone here (other than the very obvious - 45), but of people I know personally . . . what can I say? I guess I'm no longer surprised by people. Even people you thought were good and could never be cruel . . . is it sad that there's no surprise factor anymore? I'm in such a good place with this. I've gotten stronger (which is obvious as you read through these year-in-review posts over the past many years). I've stopped chasing down affection. I stand up for myself. I don't bother with problematic people. I notice red flags and stay clear. I'm more cautious and protective of myself. *shrug* I don't know. Maybe I'm getting less riled up because of this. If someone doesn't think I'm worth it, that's okay. Their choice. Not everyone is going to like everyone and that's pretty normal actually. I have worth and I like being with those who appreciate it and like me for me. I don't feel like wasting time anymore on people who don't care for me or who are cruel or where the relationship has been mostly one-way. I'm noticing those with whom I'm emotionally safe and those people are good people. When I can open up to someone safely, be truly heard, be believed, be validated, be cared for . . . then I know that's a good person. If I open up to someone and that person doesn't hear me or responds cruelly or perhaps doesn't respond at all, that says so much more about the person than it does about me. But it does tell me something about that person. And it reminds me of the saying, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." So yeah, I don't know. I'm in a place of peace with all of this. I'm good. I'm set. My family is pretty awesome and if someone wants to get to know us, awesome. If they don't, fine. But I will say this, my kids are pretty remarkable, fun, creative, kind, smart people and anyone missing out on them is truly, TRULY missing out. I'm focusing way more on my own life and way less on those who criticize or fight with people or triangulate or who just want to find fault. They're busy doing that anyway. They can have it. I want to do other things!      
    
    
14. Where did most of your money go? Probably our mortgage, student loans, and a few NYC trips. We don't tend to spend a lot if we can help it, as the little things mean a lot to us, so the usual - food, games, movies, etc. And our annual beach trip is fun for us and we went for a full week this past year, which was great. We figure kids are off to college soon, so we wanted a full week there. But again, even that is on the off-season, so that helps us keep costs down. College expenses are on the horizon. This is Kate's gap year and we're doing some traveling. So, we're watching our savings.     


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing "The Cursed Child" on Broadway as well as "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "Dear Evan Hansen." Also, seeing my kids on stage more and meeting so many amazing theatre families. Seeing my daughter get accepted to all the colleges to which she applied. Seeing my kids make cool films. The beach. Reconnecting with old friends. My homeschool group doing so well. Teaching classes. 
    
       


16. What song will always remind you of 2018? I'm going to go with "Dear Evan Hansen" songs because we listened to it a lot, then saw the show, and then listened even more! The soundtrack is gorgeous.     


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a) happier or sadder? Happier. Itching to do more. Frustrated at setbacks, but happier.
    b) thinner or fatter? Mmm, thinner? Mostly about the same, but probably a bit thinner.    
    c) richer or poorer? I like what I said this past year, and I will add that we're about the same, I guess? We're very cognizant of the fact that our kids start college very soon (in fact, they've both already been involved in college classes, so technically, we've already been paying for that). We've saved and we're also aware that we're paying for their college while also continuing to pay off our own student loans (ugh) and very hopeful that we can help them graduate with as little debt as possible, because these loans SUCK.     


18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing articles. Developing courses. Playing games.   


19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stupid, constant emails and to do lists. 
    


20. How did you spend Christmas? In our usual way - here as a family, eating great food (we gave ourselves the gift of going out for our Christmas Eve dinner - I thought Mark was going to cry tears of joy when I suggested it, as it was a welcome respite), playing games, and enjoying the holiday together - always thoughtful gifts that show how well everyone knows each other. So much excitement over giving and gratitude over receiving. Leading up to it, the kids were really involved in their play ("Charlotte's Web") and some cabarets, so that was fun. The holiday was chill and fun and relaxing and sweet and nice. I loved it. We had house guests come in that week from 4 different states and we had a great NYE together with all of them. We really love our holidays together! 
    
    
21. Did you fall in love in2018? Of course. And with my dog, too. I'm so in love with her. 
    
    


22. What was your favorite TV program? Probably "This Is Us." And we're currently binge watching "Frasier."


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Same answer as this past year with only a slight adjustment. Nope. I read a great article a while back about how friendships vary - some are for a reason, some are for a season, and some are for a lifetime. I'm appreciating all relationships for what they are and not forcing any of them to be something they're not. Caution, yes. Hatred? No. (And I still hate 45.)    


24. What was the best book you read? My reading has gone down the tubes. I guess I'll say "Tell the Wolves I'm Home" was a good one, but in general, I've barely got time to read these days. It's pretty go go go with teens. When they were little, I was physically tired. Now? I'm on mental overload for sure. I love it and am not complaining. I'm simply saying that I'm busier than I've ever been. Believe it or not, we're a family that tries NOT to overprogram and we DO say no to things. Even then, it's just all very full. It's a tricky thing to balance because you also want your kids to have cool experiences and meet great people and hang out with friends, so.    


25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Um, "Dear Evan Hansen?" Oh! And figuring out that I can tell Alexa to play the "Ed Sheeran Station" and she'll play stuff by him and similar stuff but by others and it's pretty nice.   


26. What did you want and get? More progress on my own personal mental well being.  
    
    
27. What did you want and not get? Greater support and initiation.     


28. What was your favorite film of this year? "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" Absolutely beautiful film. I sobbed and it was really hard to contain it. I bawled all the way out of the theater, too, and that's not my M.O. And "The Mask You Live In" was an excellent, excellent documentary and I'm recommending it to everyone I can. We even hosted a discussion group about it at our home with a bunch of parents and teenagers. 


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 44 and we spent it taking the kids to auditions in one town and then to improv class in another town and then we got to see them do improv and THAT was awesome. My kids are hilarious!     
    


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Support. 


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? The same. Nothing profoundly different. In general, I care about looking presentable, but also comfortable. Sometimes make-up, sometimes not. It varies. I've been wearing more jewelry (nothing too fancy). I'm forever a fan of cardigans. And I like my new haircut a lot - an angled cut. 
    
    
    
32. What kept you sane? My kids, including the furry one. Supportive female friends.  


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. RBG.  


34. What political issue stirred you the most? What didn't? That stupid wall idea is, well, stupid. Detaining families at the border and separating kids from parents is despicable, especially for those seeking asylum. I mean, it's just despicable and a human rights violation and a horrendous assault on the psyche of people. It's abuse and trauma. I feel passionately about universal healthcare and am about ready to move out of the country to go someplace else for that and many other reasons. 
    


35. Who did you miss? My dad.
    
    
36. Who was the best new person you met? I'm loving all the theatre families we're getting to know. Courtney has been a really fun person to friend. I love our late-night texting conversations. And I'm absolutely loving reconnecting with my old friend Benjamin Billings and his wife. We've been able to get together with them multiple times since they moved to Delaware and we really, really enjoy it.    
    


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018. That I am good at this red flag thing and that I can set boundaries and that it feels good to do so. And that, hey, I'm often right about stuff, regardless of whether or not people listen to me.   


38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    
    
    

    "Anybody Have a Map?" from the Dear Evan Hansen Soundtrack

    
    

    Does anybody have a map?
    Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?
    I don't know if you can tell
    But this is me just pretending to know

    So where's the map?
    I need a clue
    'Cause the scary truth is
    I'm flying blind
    And I'm making this up as I go