Sunday, February 1, 2009

American Idol Auditions

We watch American Idol. We like American Idol. We even have an entire blog dedicated to American Idol.

But c'mon. We're on Season 8 now. We like it a lot, but we're not quite as YEEHA about it. We're sort of Woohoo about it. And if I had to choose my favorite reality show, it'd be Amazing Race, hands down. But American Idol is a very close second. They're my 2 favorites.

So rather than doing a weekly recap of the auditions, I thought I'd sum them all up at once. Because the audition weeks are my least favorite weeks.

I know a lot of people love audition weeks, but we don't. They're such a waste of time. Thankfully, with TiVo, it's less of a waste of time since we can fast forward the commercials as well as most of the crap (read: bad auditions that are so contrived they're not funny). We like the actual competition much better.

So, let's sum up their multi-city auditions briefly.

First off, I'm not a prude. I used to be much more of a prude. And again, my apologies to all those who had the patience to put up with me back then. Little miss goodie two shoes no more. Now I feel like my former self is satirized by television characters like Amy's parents on Everybody Loves Raymond, George Michael Bluth's girlfriend Anne from Arrested Development, or Millie from Freaks and Geeks. Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea. That being said, I'm sooooooooooooo not a prude (anymore). And it's honestly a big relief. I am living life, speaking my mind, and I get more jokes.

That being said, this IS supposed to be a family show and my non-prudish self is appalled by some of the crass language and not-so-subtle innuendo they allow on the audition weeks of this show! We've, however, learned our lesson from the previous year and so now Mark and I watch it ourselves at night and then watch it together as a family the next day a la Tivo (read: we fast forward commercials and more crap). Now that is family fun.

I also take issue with commercials that do not match or reflect the rating of the program being shown, but that's another topic for another time.

So, here, in no particular order are my least favorite stand-outs and my most favorite stand-outs (even though I know there are surely some stand-outs we haven't yet seen because, you know, they like to show crap instead during audition weeks). Oh the humanity.

Least Favorite Stand-Outs

1. The goth chic who dresses like that not because she's depressed and not because she's a goth and not because it's a costume (nice one, Ryan), but because "that's just who she is." Sure. This is the contestant who, with her outfit, inspired our 8-year-old daughter to ask, "Why does it look like she has 3 of these?" while making the symbol for breasts. To which I responded, "They're called breasts. And 3? Or 6?" We then went on to discuss the meaning of the phrase "flattering outfit."

2. I could've done without the contrived, repeat performance from Philadelphia. You know the girl whose arm and hand movements have your kids asking, "Why are there little American Idol signs on her hands?" To have her go back and pretend to be Zen only to flip off the judges . . . again . . . is an insult to all Buddhists. And judges. And all of us watching TV. What a waste of air time. Over 100 hundred golden tickets and they show us this? I've got a little American Idol symbol of my own for them.

3. Bikini Jane. She could've worn a big sign that said, "I have no sense of self and am totally insecure" and it would've given the same message, albeit with less gawking from Simon. Everything about her attitude, her singing mannerisms, her talking back to the judges, her look, her demeanor BUGS me to no end. She must go. The only reason she went to Hollywood was because 2 male judges voted through a bikini. It's disgusting. And it only encourages more of this "Girls Gone Wild" attitude that seems to be fairly pervasive among auditioners who can't sing. Blech. The only funny part of her audition was watching Ryan giggle uncomfortably when she teased that she'd make out with him if she got a golden ticket. No, wait. That wasn't funny either. That was just awkward. If he would just come out of the closet already, we could just move on without the stupid put ons. I'm thinking that most of America is too homophobic to handle it, though, so we must endure these "ghah-stly" dialogues with pretty girls and cute, uncomfortable, is-he-gay Ryan.

4. Whiner Guitar Guy. This guy actually sounded really good. And if he had shut up and sang, he might've gone to Hollywood. And we might've enjoyed him. But his dramatic reaction to not being able to use his guitar was a bit much. What a diva. And I could hardly bear it when he kept begging and pleading. Blech. Massively unbecoming. And Simon isn't exactly a poker face. It was quite obvious he was getting annoyed. Less obvious is the reaction of the TV audience, but dude, if you're out there, we were annoyed, too. And when the sniveling whiner came out of the audition room, he totally shrugged of his mom as she tried to hug him. Kudos to Ryan for telling him that you don't do that to your mom.

It's so depressing to me to see how many delusional people there are in the world. These people seriously quit their jobs and sell their stuff to audition because they think they're good. I don't know if they could use a dose of reality or a better math class on odds and probability.

Most Favorite Stand-Outs

1. Michael Castro. Because I just can't get enough of these boys, their singing, or their interviews. I loved that he, with his pink hair, called his sister "girly." And when Jason responded with, "Oh you mean singing with emotion? Some people call that an artist," I knew we had to have this kid on Idol. He decided, about 2 weeks ago, that if his brother could sing, he probably could, too, so why not try. I didn't know whether to have high expectations or really low ones (those producers are so tricky with their tricky tricks), but I loved his audition and his newly-found voice.

2. Scott McIntyre. The vision-impaired singer was FABULOUS. He must move on. For oh so many reasons, chief among them being that he can sing. I can hardly wait until he gets behind the piano and sings. I really like this kid already. He's a favorite for many. And hey, he's homeschooled, too! I think it would be great for him to make the Top 24.

3. Danny Gokey. He's the music teacher with the soulful voice whose wife died just four weeks before the audition. His story was so moving as was his friendship with the guy who got a ticket right before he did. He's definitely one of my early favorites. That boy can sing and totally wraps you up in his awesome voice.

Ugh, I didn't pick a girl? I'm not a big fan of many girl contestants. Oh, except Fantasia. But I'm an Elliott girl through and through and no one has even compared to him since. Okay, I'll pick a girl. Ummmmmmm . . . . . . uh . . . . ummmm . . . . how about . . . . I can't think of any. Oh! Maybe that young mother with the husky voice? Neh? Maybe Rose? Neh? I don't know.

Other Thoughts from Auditions:

Randy is an idiot. He has nothing of substance to say. I can not believe that Paula gets so much flack for her mannerisms and words. She has loads more depth than "the Dawg" who has nothing to say but "Dawg," "Dude," (occasional hyena-like laughter), "Dope," "Whoa, whoa, what's going on?" and this season's new catch phrases "Good lookin' out" and "(city name) is jumpin' off!" I don't know how much I can take. And he ALWAYS goes along with what someone else has said. He has no opinion of his own. That's why he goes first on Idol. Because if he were 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, he'd just agree with someone before him. At least this way, they strive for some originality. Or something.

But bring on Hollywood. I actually like Hollywood. Plus it's one step closer to the competition. And one step farther away from the hideousness that is audition weeks.

Agree? Disagree? Did I forget someone? Sound off in the comments.


emily said...

We stopped watching after the second season but I heard the Salt Lake auditions were really good, and that more people got through to Hollywood there than all the other cities combined. Is that true, or is that just what people from UT are saying? How was the Osmond kid?

terahreu said...

I can contribute nothing, but I appreciate your run down of the auditions. I always thought that the 'Wow Factor' of the auditions would wear off. Apparently they did, and for good reason. You can only see a flamboyant gay guy trying to sing 'It's Raining Men' for so long.

I agree with you, the competition is the only thing worth seeing. That way you can look at real talent instead of some Jane Smith's attempt at her 10 minutes of fame.

Keep the commentary coming. I can't watch it, but this just brings me closer to it. And yes, Elliot Yamin was the best thing that ever happened to A.I. Has he put out anything else lately?

J Fo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J Fo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J Fo said...

(**Sorry. Too many typos and major computer problems. Here's the edited version.)

I'm getting a little sick of how contrived the whole thing is. I don't really become a fan until Hollywood week. But I do agree with your assessment of the good ones. Love the Castro boys.

I knew David Osmond when he did "Joseph..." at Tuacahn. I don't have anything nice to say about him. He was SO full of himself. He ALWAYS wanted the attention on him in any social setting. Yuck. Plus he's so Broadway. Not Idol. But I'll give him a chance. Maybe marriage and MS have changed/humbled him. But I'm not holding my breath.

April (Thorup) Oaks said...

This is my first year to watch the show. I've seen episodes before but I've never followed it before. Now thanks to DVR I'm finally going to watch it all. I also hate audition weeks, but I'm excited to follow the rest and know what everyone is talking about LOL.

a skateboarder who plays guitar. said...

ASWPG's top two best and top two worst( I dont know many names so I'll write the best description I can).

Best F:Rose, I can see her winning and putting out some good rock based stuff, not to mention she's very hippie.

Best M: Austin Siseneros, very good audition, he seems like he could win and hes got the type of voice that seems very punk rock. very cool kid

Worst F: Bikini Girl,I did not enjoy this audition AT ALL. That about sums it up.

worst M: That gay guy, you know the one who said that Simon liked it the way Seacrest Does it. Yeah did not like him very much either.

Thats about it.

bythelbs said...

The thing that bothers me about the auditions is you see very little of the good people. Last season it seemed that way with Hollywood week too. We were down to the final 24 and I didn't know half the people.

Bikini girl was obnoxious. And pathetic. Can't wait to see her get cut in Hollywood.

And Ryan Seacrest is gay?! What?! ;)

Swawaeve said...

How do you not like auditions? That's my favorite part. Yes I agree that it is somewhat a waste of time, but to me it's the best. :P The person that I couldn't stand was that one girl (I can't remember her name) who liked to dance naked in her bedroom (and I swear we almost seen her boobs at parts). And looking at SWPG's comment I think he's in love with rose :P. And also I definitly agree that "Bikini girl" was totally obnoxiose, and very very full of herself. Gotta love American Idol.

Dave said...

Whoa, whoa what's going on? I thought I'd never hear a word of negativity out of you regarding American Idol. I feel you though Dawg. But dawg, dawg, they've got to sell ads. And dawg, dude, dawg, if there's one thing, whoa, whoa check that, if there's two things I've learned about America dawg, it's that boobs and lunatics sell. Preferably in combination, dawg. Oh, and I didn't care for the first Castro.

Jimmy said...

Am I the only person in America who isn't convinced that Ryan Seacres is gay? Seriously, he's no Clay Aiken.

Boquinha said...

Emily, the SLC auditions were okay. Osmond kid was good. The new Archuletta-wannabe could get on my nerves fast.

Terah, I'm so glad they only did "It's Raining Men" ONE time!! And yes, Elliott has a delicious Christmas album. :)

Jessica, I get sick of the contrived aspect, too. It's getting FUN now. I can hardly wait to watch tonight (TiVo). We're getting Chinese Take out to add to the fun! And VERY interesting about the Osmond kid!! I'm not a huge Osmond fan to begin with.

April, you're in for a treat. But not yet. It's only starting to get good. Once they get past the drama/reality hype, the real competition begins and it's so FUN to see what each contestant does for each assigned genre/time period. I love that aspect.

Ronald, I like Rose and her whole hippie vibe, too. Austin, though, UGH. He might grate on my nerves fast. I get annoyed with the whole "I'm such a good example" line. IT always sounds so holier than thou to me. Just BE. :P But I'll give the kid a shot. He's young.

Gay guy? You mean Nick? Or is it Norman? Hmmmm. He's annoying, but kind of funny. If he'd tone it down, I think he has a nice voice. And we believe the producers are behind the stupid bikini girl getting so much additional coverage (air time, that is, not clothing obviously). She's SO annoying!!

Lbs, EXACTLY! My thoughts exactly on why I don't like the auditions. The bad auditions drive me nuts. They're just not funny anymore.

Sierra, lol. Yeah, I'm not a fan of the early weeks. But I DO like the competition a lot. Oh, I liked the girl who likes to dance naked in her room!! She's all about peace and love, baby! And she has a great voice and beautiful smile, too. I like her. :P Maybe Ronald is in love with Rose. :P Yes, bikini girl? SO full of herself. And she has the nerve to call Kara insecure??!?! HA! I get very passionate about this, can you tell?

LOL, Dave. I love the "one thing, whoa, whoa, check that, if there's two things" . . . LOL! Boobs with stars on them apparently. Ugh. And WHAT!? No love for Jason Castro?! For real?

Jimmy!! I love when you comment! Well, I'm not totally convinced, but more and more, he sure seems it to me.

April (Thorup) Oaks said...

It is getting good. Can't wait for the rest. I'm kind of sad I haven't watched this before. It's really fun when you watch it from the beginning.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

My daughter watches this show. It gets on my nerves now (although I used to like it). I saw the one audition with the girl from Philadelphia that had been on a year or so before that they let BACK on (who couldn't sing), and they made fun of her AGAIN. Just mean. Mean, mean, mean. And yes, I understand that people out there are delusional, but she is just a sad, sad case.... what they did by letting her back on (KNOWING that she was borderling unbalanced) and then dashing her dreams all over again was really just awful.

And you're completely right about Randy Jackson. How did he get that job? How much MONEY does he make to sit there and say "dawg!"??? I can sit there and say "dawg!" and look a WHOLE lot cuter than he does! :-)


I imagine at a certain point I'll watch some of it, but this early on stuff is so FRAUGHT with drama that I simply can't handle it. Drives me a little bonkers.

Robynne said...

What do you think of the new format for the semi-finals (i.e. 9 out, 3 in)?

Boquinha said...

April, I'm so glad you're watching!

HWHL, I so hear you. I hope you're watching now!!

Robynne, I like the new format better to be honest. It's how they did it in the first seasons and I like it. I don't agree with all the Wild Card picks, though.