American Idol Auditions

We watch American Idol. We like American Idol. We even have an entire blog dedicated to American Idol.

But c'mon. We're on Season 8 now. We like it a lot, but we're not quite as YEEHA about it. We're sort of Woohoo about it. And if I had to choose my favorite reality show, it'd be Amazing Race, hands down. But American Idol is a very close second. They're my 2 favorites.

So rather than doing a weekly recap of the auditions, I thought I'd sum them all up at once. Because the audition weeks are my least favorite weeks.

I know a lot of people love audition weeks, but we don't. They're such a waste of time. Thankfully, with TiVo, it's less of a waste of time since we can fast forward the commercials as well as most of the crap (read: bad auditions that are so contrived they're not funny). We like the actual competition much better.

So, let's sum up their multi-city auditions briefly.

First off, I'm not a prude. I used to be much more of a prude. And again, my apologies to all those who had the patience to put up with me back then. Little miss goodie two shoes no more. Now I feel like my former self is satirized by television characters like Amy's parents on Everybody Loves Raymond, George Michael Bluth's girlfriend Anne from Arrested Development, or Millie from Freaks and Geeks. Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea. That being said, I'm sooooooooooooo not a prude (anymore). And it's honestly a big relief. I am living life, speaking my mind, and I get more jokes.

That being said, this IS supposed to be a family show and my non-prudish self is appalled by some of the crass language and not-so-subtle innuendo they allow on the audition weeks of this show! We've, however, learned our lesson from the previous year and so now Mark and I watch it ourselves at night and then watch it together as a family the next day a la Tivo (read: we fast forward commercials and more crap). Now that is family fun.

I also take issue with commercials that do not match or reflect the rating of the program being shown, but that's another topic for another time.

So, here, in no particular order are my least favorite stand-outs and my most favorite stand-outs (even though I know there are surely some stand-outs we haven't yet seen because, you know, they like to show crap instead during audition weeks). Oh the humanity.


Least Favorite Stand-Outs

1. The goth chic who dresses like that not because she's depressed and not because she's a goth and not because it's a costume (nice one, Ryan), but because "that's just who she is." Sure. This is the contestant who, with her outfit, inspired our 8-year-old daughter to ask, "Why does it look like she has 3 of these?" while making the symbol for breasts. To which I responded, "They're called breasts. And 3? Or 6?" We then went on to discuss the meaning of the phrase "flattering outfit."

2. I could've done without the contrived, repeat performance from Philadelphia. You know the girl whose arm and hand movements have your kids asking, "Why are there little American Idol signs on her hands?" To have her go back and pretend to be Zen only to flip off the judges . . . again . . . is an insult to all Buddhists. And judges. And all of us watching TV. What a waste of air time. Over 100 hundred golden tickets and they show us this? I've got a little American Idol symbol of my own for them.

3. Bikini Jane. She could've worn a big sign that said, "I have no sense of self and am totally insecure" and it would've given the same message, albeit with less gawking from Simon. Everything about her attitude, her singing mannerisms, her talking back to the judges, her look, her demeanor BUGS me to no end. She must go. The only reason she went to Hollywood was because 2 male judges voted through a bikini. It's disgusting. And it only encourages more of this "Girls Gone Wild" attitude that seems to be fairly pervasive among auditioners who can't sing. Blech. The only funny part of her audition was watching Ryan giggle uncomfortably when she teased that she'd make out with him if she got a golden ticket. No, wait. That wasn't funny either. That was just awkward. If he would just come out of the closet already, we could just move on without the stupid put ons. I'm thinking that most of America is too homophobic to handle it, though, so we must endure these "ghah-stly" dialogues with pretty girls and cute, uncomfortable, is-he-gay Ryan.

4. Whiner Guitar Guy. This guy actually sounded really good. And if he had shut up and sang, he might've gone to Hollywood. And we might've enjoyed him. But his dramatic reaction to not being able to use his guitar was a bit much. What a diva. And I could hardly bear it when he kept begging and pleading. Blech. Massively unbecoming. And Simon isn't exactly a poker face. It was quite obvious he was getting annoyed. Less obvious is the reaction of the TV audience, but dude, if you're out there, we were annoyed, too. And when the sniveling whiner came out of the audition room, he totally shrugged of his mom as she tried to hug him. Kudos to Ryan for telling him that you don't do that to your mom.

It's so depressing to me to see how many delusional people there are in the world. These people seriously quit their jobs and sell their stuff to audition because they think they're good. I don't know if they could use a dose of reality or a better math class on odds and probability.

Most Favorite Stand-Outs

1. Michael Castro. Because I just can't get enough of these boys, their singing, or their interviews. I loved that he, with his pink hair, called his sister "girly." And when Jason responded with, "Oh you mean singing with emotion? Some people call that an artist," I knew we had to have this kid on Idol. He decided, about 2 weeks ago, that if his brother could sing, he probably could, too, so why not try. I didn't know whether to have high expectations or really low ones (those producers are so tricky with their tricky tricks), but I loved his audition and his newly-found voice.

2. Scott McIntyre. The vision-impaired singer was FABULOUS. He must move on. For oh so many reasons, chief among them being that he can sing. I can hardly wait until he gets behind the piano and sings. I really like this kid already. He's a favorite for many. And hey, he's homeschooled, too! I think it would be great for him to make the Top 24.

3. Danny Gokey. He's the music teacher with the soulful voice whose wife died just four weeks before the audition. His story was so moving as was his friendship with the guy who got a ticket right before he did. He's definitely one of my early favorites. That boy can sing and totally wraps you up in his awesome voice.

Ugh, I didn't pick a girl? I'm not a big fan of many girl contestants. Oh, except Fantasia. But I'm an Elliott girl through and through and no one has even compared to him since. Okay, I'll pick a girl. Ummmmmmm . . . . . . uh . . . . ummmm . . . . how about . . . . I can't think of any. Oh! Maybe that young mother with the husky voice? Neh? Maybe Rose? Neh? I don't know.

Other Thoughts from Auditions:

Randy is an idiot. He has nothing of substance to say. I can not believe that Paula gets so much flack for her mannerisms and words. She has loads more depth than "the Dawg" who has nothing to say but "Dawg," "Dude," (occasional hyena-like laughter), "Dope," "Whoa, whoa, what's going on?" and this season's new catch phrases "Good lookin' out" and "(city name) is jumpin' off!" I don't know how much I can take. And he ALWAYS goes along with what someone else has said. He has no opinion of his own. That's why he goes first on Idol. Because if he were 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, he'd just agree with someone before him. At least this way, they strive for some originality. Or something.

But bring on Hollywood. I actually like Hollywood. Plus it's one step closer to the competition. And one step farther away from the hideousness that is audition weeks.

Agree? Disagree? Did I forget someone? Sound off in the comments.