Ballads and more ballads

This week, I'm blogging WHILE watching. New approach.

Ah, we begin by being reminded of the TIMELY exit of Diva Ashton Jones. Good riddance.

Tonight's theme - songs from the year they were born. 1984?!? Dude, I'm old.

Naima - "What's Love Got To Do With It?" (I hate this song!)

HUNDREDS of amazing songs from which to choose and she chose this?!? Holy crap, she's WAY WAY off. She was a waste of a wild card pick anyway. This is a horrible arrangement and it's made even worse by her horribly off-tune singing. On the up side, someone advised her not to dance. It didn't help her singing, but it helped my watching. Does Steven Tyler EVER criticize? Was "sorcerer's apprentice on melody," crazy rocker parlance for "pitchy?" Go Jennifer for keeping it real (though Jennifer doesn't stop once Randy starts. Anyone else notice that? She keeps talking).


Paul - "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues"

Paul was a cowboy baby. And at least he knows how to choose a good 80's song. I wish he'd stop talking to the audience before he sings. Is that Quinn from Glee in the back up singers? Whoever advised Naima to stop dancing did not get that memo to Paul. I love his voice, though. And I love Elton John. So it's a good combo. He was a bit off in parts, but nothing near the mess that Naima gave us. Plus he's sick. He's SICK and sounds better than Naima when she's healthy. That says a lot. Um, Dude, he has to stop talking after he sings, too. At least Randy gives him props for "making it his own." I love Paul's smile.


Thia - "Colors of the Wind"

1995?! I was in my 20s when she was born! She looks like Pocahontas in that dress. Think that was on purpose? Hmmmm? She's lovely and she has a beautiful voice, especially for her young age. But when is she going to rock out and do something other than a ballad? The key change didn't go so well, but overall it was okay. A bit sleepy, but okay. It's a little Broadway stage for me. OMIGOSH, I totally said that before Randy did! Let the record show that I am prescient! I like Jennifer's advice about the vibrato, because I had a similar "What is that?" thought.


James - "I'll Be There For You"

Bon Jovi! About freaking time. I was falling asleep. I'm totally awake now that his mom just told everyone AND showed a video of him with his doll. I love that he swore when he found out. His song was off to a really bad start. Did he catch the flu? And what stylist let him use the stupid tail again? He looks like a horse. Having a giant rag hanging out of your back pocket doesn't make you look badass. It makes you look like an auto mechanic. He's a great showman, but he was VERY off through that song. Crap, I had been looking forward to that, too. Hmph. Did he just say that he is going to sing Aerosmith for the finale? Urgh, that's a little cocky. I like him, though. I want others to like him. So when he does stuff like that, I cringe.


Haley - "I'm Your Baby Tonight"

Whitney Houston? Oh, COME ON! This is the TENTH season and they all claim they've been watching since they were 6. Did they NOT hear ALL the judges say, "Don't Sing Whitney!"? And why on earth didn't she sing "Black Velvet" like her mother? Didn't she say she wanted to walk in her footsteps? UGH! She sounds TERRIBLE! They should call this week's theme "Crappy Songs and Even Crappier Performances Of Those Songs From the Year of Their Birth" This show is just not helping my mood. And I have to ask, if the audience stands up for EVERY song, how are we supposed to know when they REALLY like it? Idiots.


Stefano - "If You Don't Know Me By Now"

Shocking. Another ballad. From another waste of a wild card pick. I'M BORED. At least I learned that his father is Howie Mandel. I'm so annoyed. He mentioned three, great, FAST 80's songs and still chose a boring ballad. ARGH. But hey, at least he "brought it into this generation." Apparently, by that, he meant, "Hey look at me. I can sing this song while wearing an untucked, pink shirt and sneakers and no one thinks of it as a threat to my masculinity." Very relevant. Very current. Too bad his final note sucked. Randy is super excited, but I suppose after the crappy performances so far, anything will impress.


Pia - "Where Do Broken Hearts Go"

I actually look forward to her each week. Shaky start. It was good, but not as good as it could've been, especially from her. But again, what a crappy song choice! I have nothing to say about it. Just this. She looks like Rachel's mom on Glee:


That's all I've got.


Scotty - "Can I Trust You With My Heart"

Scotty sang country. Randy dropped names. Shocking. On both counts. At least he's true to what he is, but really? ANOTHER FREAKING BALLAD?? That's eight for eight for those keeping track at home. They will love him in Nashville no matter how he does on this show. They always do. Remember Josh Gracin? I have an idea. Let's send him there sooner! BORED.


Karen - "Love Will Lead You Back"

What the hell is on her head?!? It doesn't move! And how insulting. They subtitled her mother's ENGLISH?? Very PC, Idol. Nicely done. Dopes. Hey, something different! A ballad in Spanglish! Now, THAT is new. No, it's not. Stop smiling and nodding. I was being sarcastic. But hey, Steven liked her ethnic whatitisness, so it's all good.


Casey - "It Smells Like Teen Spirit"

NIRVANA!! NIRVANA!! Way to go, Casey!! Nirvana was HUGE. I'm excited. I hope he doesn't disappoint. He rolled out of bed for his interview again, but he at least dressed up for tonight. Wow, he can screech AND play the electric bass at the same time. He's psycho! He looks less like a computer geek and more like a serial killer tonight. OMG. Like Steven said, "He's crazy and talented and that's the goop that makes great stuff." What more can I possibly add to that?


Lauren - "I'm the Only One"

Anyone else watch Amazing Race? Does she remind anyone else of Mallory? Yep, I'm so bored tonight that I'm stretching for anything to say. Much better song choice for her than this past week (or most anyone else tonight). Hey, it wasn't bad. She's sick and fairly on pitch. That shows up all the others who were not sick and still sounded awful. ARGH, she talked in the middle of the song. Memo to Lauren and Paul -- STOP TALKING AND SING. I wonder why she's wearing brass knuckles.


Jacob - "Alone"

Oh, it's a ballad, but I LOVE THIS SONG!! So, I'll give him a pass. I LOVE HEART!! I like him and I'm hoping tonight wins over my extended family members. Loved his video intro with his mom. Yikes, too much vibrato to start. Yikes, too much pitchiness throughout. WAY oversung. I hate to tell someone to reign in their passion, but Jacob, reign it in a bit. Ugh. He has such potential and he has SO MUCH passion (which I really do love) -- now to know what to do with it. He needs some kind of a memo, too.


Overall, I'm disappointed. I have CRAVED an 80's theme night. I have DESIRED an 80's theme night. Tonight SUCKED. 80's Ballads. What a waste. You know when your local radio station does a flashback lunch hour that is all 80s for the full hour? Do they do Ballads? NO! And if they do, it's the GOOD stuff -- the stuff the rock bands would sing. Not this drivel. Bah. This show actually made me grumpier. No one stood out and I don't care who goes home. I wish I were in bed.