Why do I get sucked in EVERY year?

It's getting tiresome, right? And no Simon, right? And seriously, J-Lo and Steven Tyler?

We didn't even bother watching auditions and I said we'd "give it a shot" once Hollywood started. I fast forwarded so much this year. So unlike me.

And then the Top 24 sang and I didn't feel compelled to blog. And besides, I have other things I want to write about! I just got caught up on A LOT of stuff hanging over me and I'm ready to WRITE!! And post pictures. UGH.

So, the whacked out, crazy results of the Top 24 almost had me venting calmly discussing their new WTH method of chopping 24 down to 13 in one fell swoop.

And that joke they call Wild Card? Where they choose 6 and have them sing to "see who will continue on," which apparently is judges' code for "get your hopes up for nothing, because we've already decided on the diva, kid-that-reminds-me-of-my-husband-Marc-Antony, and Carmen Miranda over there."

EVEN THOUGH THEY SUCK. That's right. Robbie and Kendra blew all three of them out of the water, but they had to go and choose those three.

But here's where I admit stuff.

I couldn't care less about Simon being or not being there. All along, I've missed Paula the most and Jennifer Lopez is lovely and she radiates that genuine kindness that Miss Abdul used to bring to the show.

And Steven Tyler? AWESOME. When he said that the first performance was kick-ass, I busted up laughing. You never know what he's going to say, but even when he critiques them, he sort of sounds like a kind, concerned, and loving grandpa. And not even in a creepy way. Which surprises me. Unless he's ogling the girls. That is creepy. But really, I'm seeing a whole new side to the lead singer of Aerosmith. And, like Mark says, he sounds like a greeting card on drugs. Now, in light of that very comment, every time he opens his mouth to say things, I am excited.

So J-Lo brings Paula's genuine softness and Steven Tyler brings Paula's all-over-the-place, but surprisingly articulate and erudite comments.

And Randy? Well, he borders on useless. I haven't ever really liked Randy as a judge since he's always seemed like such a follower. But I can give credit where due and I have to hand it to him this season. I don't know if it's because Simon's gone and now he's like the Big Man on Campus sitting in Cowell's chair, but he actually has the cojones to disagree with the other two. About. Freaking. Time. And bonus, Randy usually has a good ear for talent. Except for that mess of a wild card pick. That was a diva pick all the way. I was like WHAT?!?

So, the Top 13 performed and 1 got sent home. Here's my assessment. I'll try to keep it brief.

Lauren Alaina -- She's a nice girl who clearly saw that the dumb blond schtick worked for Pickler, so why not have it work for her. She sang Shania Twain's irritating song "Any Man of Mine" and it was not good. And she looked utterly abashed to receive negative feedback. It was like, "What are these words I'm hearing? Was I . . . NOT amazing??"

Casey Abrams -- I totally heart this guy. I mean, he looks like one of two things -- a serial killer or a computer geek. I choose to go with computer geek. But somehow he's making it sexy. At least when he performs. NOT when he's meeting with the producers in those ratty plaid shorts. I REALLY love that he's making geeky sexy, because well, I already KNOW it is, but now Casey can show America so they can catch up. Dude who looks like he plays hours on end of World of Warcraft in his basement while possibly dressed up as a Jedi can channel Joe Cocker like nobody's business. And I can't wait for him to break out the bass again.

Ashton Jones - Do. Not. Like. Never like Divas. So annoyed she's there at all. She's all attitude over substance. And in her interview, she referred to herself in the third person. Nail in the coffin. Her problem, contrary to what the judges seem to think, was not choosing a song no one knows. Her problem is that she stinks.

Paul McDonald - I like his voice A LOT. That being said, the way he moves around the stage reminds me of what Woody looks like in Toy Story when Andy is holding him around the middle and flopping him around the top of his toy box.

Pia Toscano - She is hot. I can say that, right? Because she is. And she sang the whatever out of that song, even though it's been sooooooooooo overdone on Idol. Or maybe I'm thinking of all the Friends reruns I've seen. Ah, Joey and Chandler. Sniff.

James Durbin - LOVE him. He can rock out any song, but even when he's not screeching and screaming, he has a beautiful tone to his voice. And I love that he sang "Maybe I'm Amazed," because I love that song (and Sir Paul McCartney).

Haley Reinhart - What? You don't remember who she is? Neither do I. She yodeled.

Jacob Lusk - When they played the intro to "I Believe I Can Fly," Mark was so hoping he'd sing "Trapped in the Closet." But no. Talk about overdone songs on Idol. Even his producers said that. But Jacob was AWESOME. I really, really like him. And they're bringing out the gospel choir on week 1? What in the world will they bring out for the finale?

Thia Megia - It's fun to say her name. She is REALLY good and doesn't seem to understand that she was complimented and not criticized. She will have a breakdown and soon if she doesn't learn to take the feedback better than she did. The judges told her she sounded like Michael Jackson, so of ALL the songs she could've possibly chosen, she chose "Smile?" Yeah, I don't get it either. Just like I don't get what the hell they did to that song. J-Lo called it a "jazzy beat," but it was like ballad-meets-hip-hop and that just doesn't ever work.

Stefano Langone - He sang and J-Lo beamed. I don't think it even matters what he does or how. He sang some Stevie Wonder song with a horrible arrangement and it wasn't great.

Karen Rodriguez - She sang in English, which is worth noting, because she usually doesn't. And, ironically, it was a Selena song. She smiles a lot.

Scott McCreery - I don't get it. He sings well, but I'm ALWAYS bored. My mother loves him, but she's always liked deep bass voices like that (why, Mom, why?). He predictably sang Garth Brooks. The most memorable part of the performance for Mark was how Ryan made fun of the backdrops. I'm sure the technical crew appreciates the constructive criticism from a guy whose toughest task at his job involves pushing a button to start his radio show (oh wait, his producer probably does that).

Naima Adedapo - Seriously, she's closing the show? We get it, she cleaned toilets, so give her a break, right? Wrong. She should still have to sing. She tried. But WHAT WAS THAT?!?!? From Gershwin to Rihanna in 7 days. I think we just titled her memoirs. Which are sure to come out next week when she's booted so that we don't have to watch anymore of that god-awful dancing. Is that what that was? She was moving and there was lightning and converse sneaker boots. I don't know. When the lightning struck and she started convulsing, Mark wanted to scream, "She's ALIVE!!" I was too speechless to say anything. But that's okay, I "overstand" what she was trying to do, even if I didn't "overstand" what on earth she was saying to her husband. What??

And then the results show. Dirty Diddy Puff Daddy P. Shawn Puffy Combs Money made me sad. I long for the days when rap was good. You know, M.C. Hammer and Young M.C. rap.

My favorite parts were fast forwarding, watching Adam Lambert, and texting my girl friend Cathy. Oh, and when . . . oh darn, I already forgot her name. Well, she left. And there was much rejoicing. Yay!