We teach our children again and again things I wish I had known when I was younger, things I've learned working as a therapist, things that save a lot of heartache, things that help us be stronger, and things, quite frankly,
everyone should learn in Kindergarten (you know, along with waiting in line, taking turns, and our ABCs).
So, we're walking out the door to go to violin lesson. As I'm locking up, apparently a couple of neighborhood kids playing in the yard try to block our kids from getting to the van (we live in a townhouse development so it's pretty much communal land, but they are, technically, in OUR yard). I don't really notice any of this as I'm locking up and getting stuff together, but the kids fill me in.
Cute, but rather intrusive, little girl who's constantly asking us questions (in a whiny voice, no less) when she sees us:
Where are you going?
K: To violin lessons
Whiny Girl (putting out arms to block our kids): Well, don't go in OUR yard! (remember, this is in our yard).
K: Well, this is our yard. (Walking around girl thinking, "She's not going to stop us").
Whiny Girl's brother: He can't play violin (referring to M).
K: Yes he can. It's a special kind of violin that any age can play (Suzuki).
WG's brother: No, he can't.
K (shrugging): You can think what you want.
I ask the kids if what the neighborhood kids said bothers them. They both shrug and say, "No, they can think what they want. It doesn't bother me. We know what they're saying isn't true."
I am SO proud of them!! No whining (they haven't ever been whiners, thankfully), no self-pity, no woe-is-meing, no buying into other people's junk, no feelings of hurt or self doubt. UTTER self confidence and assurance. I am SO grateful that what we try so hard to teach (I'm sure that we sometimes drone on and on ) and exemplify (we're not perfect and we're always working on this stuff) is making sense!!
Yes, sometimes people make hurtful statements and they're
trying to be mean and rude and that stinks. But in general, BE OPEN. Consider what people say. If someone says something and it has some merit or validity, consider it (say someone says you micro-manage--think about it, do you? No need to take offense. Great! Something to notice and work on! Kudos on the self awareness). If someone says something that isn't true ("You're stupid"), consider it, recognize that it's not true, challenge it, and shrug it off ("Am I? I don't think I am. I mean, I read and write well, I can cook, I have good friends, I am organized, I like myself . . . nope, I'm not stupid. {Shrug}.") And be done giving your energy to the nonsense of others. It's not worth it.