What?! No Rockin' Robin?!

Rock and Roll night finally arrived on Idol, which was a long-anticipated event for Thing 2. It pretty much played out like I'd expected--a widening gap between contestants, ridiculous comments from the judges, and the mosh pit full of posers. Slash was a fairly useless mentor as far as I could tell. He was good for the "is that a nose ring/watch me smoke a cigarette while playing guitar in a music video/topless guitar soloist from the 80s" sort of entertainment value, but I think all those drugs may have altered his ability to provide beneficial, constructive criticism for the contestants. They all seemed to "have fun," though, so score a point for another one-name wonder.

Now, let me make a list of my non-performance-related complaints (well, the ones I haven't listed yet). I'm just in that kind of mood, I guess.

*Predictably, Simon will start to turn on certain contestants in order to engineer a finale he's predicted, regardless of the true merits (or lack thereof) of each performance.

*What the hell happened to Kara? She and Slash must have shared a little somethin' somethin' before the show because she was out there! Maybe her hair was pulled back too tightly, at least the hair that wasn't trying to escape upward.

*Either the tower wasn't really that broken or that beverage sponsor wields some amazing power over the flow of the show because no way I do the cola interview under that thing!

*We deserve to know how the duets were picked, because the conspiracy theorist in me would say they're looking to influence the voters. The pairings were perfect, but a little transparency would be appreciated.

*I think Kara is making up words every week. It's like a new obsession with her. I've never heard of giving someone a "prop," as in one prop. I guess that's for when you're not sufficiently impressed enough to give out "props" or even better, "mad props."

OK, on to my contestant-by-contestant thoughts.

Adam Lambert: Really, all he could do this week was either hold steady or fail miserably. Obviously this is the week we really expected him to shine and that's what he did. I still think he's an amazing talent and deserves to be in the finale, but I wonder if his polarizing style will end up being much of a factor. I think there is a fairly sizable subset of the population that doesn't care for him at all. I just don't know if it 's the people that vote. His duet with Allison was great, by the way. It was so apparent that they were both in their element, enjoying the moment with each other, and I think the hugs and smiles were 100% genuine. In American Idol speak that's "1 million percent."

Allison Ireheta: She deserved way more praise than she got. What is wrong with people judging this thing? Even if they weren't crazy about the song selection, she still sounded great. I'm glad to see her give it back to Simon, and of course he was good natured about it. This girl is a great talent and based on tonight should go on without a problem. On her duet with Adam you almost get the feeling that we were watching the finale already, but there is one more week to go.

Kris Allen: I love how the judges called this legendary Beatles' song "not a great song." Give me a break. Randy made the most sense and was the most believable in his praise of Kris. Kris definitely infused his style into the song and made the most of a week where he was overshadowed by Adam before he even got to pick his song. Randy was right about his duet with Danny, too--the harmonies were great but the overall performance was just alright. Again, for a week where the genre was difficult, the duet sounded pretty good. They didn't seem as comfortable together as Adam and Allison, but it's tough to say whether it was because of the theme or chemistry.

Danny Gokey: Don't do that. Ever. No, no. Danny is no Steven Tyler. Not even close. I have no idea what he was thinking with this song. I don't know what would possess this church choir singer to try and scream at the end. I'm not entirely clear how Slash even held a straight face while discussing this song. It wasn't even a little good, and I'm sick over how the judges gave him more credit than they did Kris. There was no comparison. No, no. I like Danny, but I've got to be fair here.

I don't know how they'll break the news this week. Hopefully they just have the three guest artists perform and then hand out a single "you over there, you're going home." I'm sure there will be a bit more suspense, though.

Based on tonight, Skipping the Hometown Visit, but Still Getting One Prop from Kara: Danny Gokey