Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The finale of no reason

So, American Idol started the night with a video of a shy Carrie Underwood singing at age 8. Hmmm, a video of a country singer. Shocking. That was followed by home videos of the two country singing finalists when they were kids. I did NOT see that coming.

The L-A-U-R-E-N sign holders in the audience got it right. That's a step up from the S-C-O-T-Y-T fans from this past week.

They brought out a doctor in black scrubs to explain that Lauren strained her vocal chords. Hmmm, they've never done that before. Think they want Lauren to win?

So, the night goes down like this:
1. Contestant's favorite song of the season
2. Idol's idol's selection (did you follow that?)
3. A song that will be each of their first single(s)

Scotty won the coin toss and then let Lauren decide. What a guy!

Round 1

Scotty sang "Gone" again. The crazy violin guy followed him around in what looked like what would've been a parade if more people had participated. He ended by swinging the microphone like a bat. And for some inexplicable reason, the judges did not judge anything. Apparently they have no reason for being there other than to watch like everyone else except at an oddly-shaped table.

Lauren sang "Flat on the Floor" making the crazy violin guy really work for his money tonight, though I suppose that's just the nature of a country finale (yawn). There was consistency in the selection of her outfit. It was as consistently hideous as the rest of her outfits all season. She wore her grandmother's shiny aluminum foil shirt (two of them!) with cowboy boots. Her voice sounded strained. The judges again said nothing for no reason that I can imagine.

Round 2

Scotty sang "Check Yes or No," because George Strait told him to. I know none of these songs, so I kind of tuned out and noticed other things. Scotty holds his guitar way up high under his arms and stands like he's straddling a giant horse. This song didn't seem challenging at all. Again, for no reason that I can see (except for maybe staying on time so as not to mess with Glee), the judges remained silent and Ryan just gave out lots of numbers.

Lauren sang "Maybe it was Memphis" and I couldn't tell you a thing about this song that I didn't recognize, but Carrie Underwood chose it and I think Carrie Underwood doesn't like Lauren Alaina all that much. Also, WTH is she wearing?!? She was dressed like a precocious little 6-year-old girl from the 1920s participating in a child pageant in some sort of ghastly baby puke color with matching baby puke petticoat.

Wow, that round was really boring.

Oh, judges! This part where the judges started talking? Very strange. Why the rush? Why is this on a Tuesday? (I'm so confused now and will spend all day tomorrow thinking it's Thursday). Why is this on before Glee? Why the ugly Randy jacket with giant, black, silk lapels? WHY, Brennan, WHY?!? (That's a little shout out to our friends -- My blog, my comments. Behold my power.). Wow, I'm so bored tonight. All of these questions and no conceivable reason or explanation whatsoever.

Randy and J Lo talked a lot and rapidly while reading from their notes and I tuned out. Steven gave both rounds to Lauren "because she's prettier," thus reminding us all that the best and most redeeming aspect of this entire season is Steven Tyler.

They premiered a song that Taio Cruz sang while Lady Gaga's drummers (Blue Man Redux -- thank you, Mark) joined him on stage. His mic went out, so someone's getting fired. We fast forwarded because we saw no reason at all to sit and listen to a song that sounds exactly the same throughout its entirety, but hey, Taio did introduce us to a new genre of music that I'd call "Techno Pop Marching Band Symphonic."

Ryan tried to get me excited before each commercial but I've never been less invested in any AI finale.

Round 3

Scotty sang "I Love You This Big." He looked so nice in his suit jacket, holding his arms out to the side with as little cheesiness as he could possibly muster while his mama cried. He was slightly off but good. That was a really dull "finale" song, though. Not his fault, but whoever chose that song? Yuck.

Ryan interviewed Scotty afterward and held his mic under Scotty's chin for no reason since Scotty was using his own mic just fine. But hey, doing something for no reason was in keeping with the night. I think that even the producers and crew of this show are bored and burned out. Scotty just kept talking into his mic while probably thinking, "You can hold your mic next to my mic if you want to look like a moron, but I'll just keep talking into this perfectly functioning one right here in my hands." I think even Ryan has checked out.

Lauren sang "Like My Mother Does" and it was a much better finale song. She went to her mom while singing, which I thought was mighty risky. Her mom totally lost it and then so did Lauren.

Steven articulated his crush on Lauren (again) only this time it was less creepy. Maybe because she was singing about her mother.

In keeping with an evening of "nice" people (Lauren, Scotty, J Lo, Steven), they had David Cook, one of the nicest winners ever, sing us out.

So, tomorrow we get to tune in and watch Lauren be crowned the winner, but probably not before we have to sit through some kind of spastic African dancing contribution from Naima. However, I did hear a rumor that a Mr. Jack Black will be in attendance, so it's probably worth watching just for that. Heaven knows I don't care who wins, but bring on Jack Black!


Dr. Mark said...

I am so totally invested in your review even if you are not invested in the show. I was wondering why they had George Costanza come out in scrubs as the doctor instead of someone whose look exemplifies "health and wellness." I guess Hollywood doctors are to busy keeping the pretty people pretty to stay pretty themselves.

I had the same thought about Scotty's final song. Jimmy likes him, but not THAT much if he picked that. And I bet Scotty would have picked a different idol if he knew his real idol was going to pick one of his own songs to sing. George Strait seems like a nice guy, but I wouldn't put him in the "dynamic performer" category.

Here's hoping for all the spastic dancing we can handle tomorrow night! THAT, was sarcasm.

Dr. Mark said...

And I meant "TOO busy." I know a little grammar.

Robynne said...

Seriously - I don't know if I've ever seen someone so blatantly put forward to win - "look at Lauren with the doctor overcoming her obstacles"..."let's give Lauren a great song about her mom that will pull at heart strings, but let's give Scotyt (;p) a dumb song that sounds like a 2 year old wrote it". Can't you just picture a little kid walking up to his mom with his arms out saying "I love you *this big* Mommy!". Give me a break, this show is so annoying.

FYI, both of their second round songs are very popular, older country songs...however Lauren's was a much more exciting one than Scotty's (surprise surprise based on what I said above)....You're exactly right Mark - George Strait is a legend but not know for dynamic, exciting songs!

Ugh. I did think Lauren sang better than she has all season, but come on, let's at least show a semblance of equality with the contestants.

It will be over tonight. Hallelujah!

The Magic Violinist said...

I hope that rumor about Casey singing with Jack Black tonight is true! :D

Boquinha said...

Mark, writing my review was the most exciting part of the show for me. :P It was so dull, though, that it didn't even give me much to work with - ugh!

Robynne, YES! I really think they manipulated the whole thing BIG TIME (except for her stylist -- how has her stylist not yet been fired?!?). I am BUSTING up over your comment. I hadn't thought of it, but you're right. It was a really juvenile song! Now the image is cracking me up!!

Maybe, on the 2nd round, I got distracted by her hideous peach petticoat outfit.

This line: "Ugh. I did think Lauren sang better than she has all season, but come on, let's at least show a semblance of equality with the contestants."


TMV, me, too!!

Dave Johnson said...

Why, Brennan, WHYYYYY?????(private joke ftw!)

Jimmy said...

I watched most of last night. I think maybe it's the third time this season that I actually watch it. Really my only thought was, "What a nice pair of clean cut kids."

Boquinha said...

LOL, Dave!

Jimmy, that's my thought, too. In fact, I kept saying it over and over again, "What nice kids, what nice kids!" (We Portuguese people tend to repeat our exclamations for added effect).

Chelle said...

I still say that reading your blog is much more entertaining than watching the actual episodes. It saves me so much time. I only wish I would have read it earlier, because then I would have watched Jack Black in the finale.

So were you surprised by the winner then?

Boquinha said...

Thanks, Rachelle! I was pleasantly somewhat surprised. Right before they announced it, I thought, "Wait, it's going to be Scotty!" And I think he was the right choice of the two.

terahreu said...

I JUST saw the finale. I thought it would have a tough time trying not to hear who won. Not so. Apparently no one else cares who won either. You aren't alone. I watched the final two shows while painting. I briefly watched Jack Black and Beyonce. I happen to glance over to Lady Gaga's sex video on stage and that was about it. Good for Scotty, fine for Lauren. No one cares. I won't buy either of their albums. But season 11? I will totally watch again. I am a glutton for punishment.

Boquinha said...

Yep, Terah. I think I'm in that camp, too. Steven Tyler has won me over. :)