Steven Tyler Says Beautiful Things

Now that Casey left, I'm so bored, we watched both shows in one night.

The Top 5 performed 2 songs each and it was all over the place.

Randy started the night by stating the obvious and saying typically non-profound things and either someone held up an "applause" sign or the audience is getting stupider by the season and truly will clap for anything, as Mark says.

James - "Closer to the Edge"
Was he sick?? It started horribly and just when I thought it was getting better, it didn't. The judges mistook "loud" for "good."

Randy's "In it to win it" tally count for the evening - 47

Jacob - "No Air"
Jacob attempted a duet by himself with 3 back-up singers in smoke. I listened to it and missed Casey. There were more off notes and more nit-picky criticism from the judges. EVERY TIME. I wouldn't mind that they pick on him all the time if they would do the same with every other contestant when they deserved it, too. I do agree with Randy on this one -- more Luther, less Chris Brown. Randy and J-Lo argued and the show turned into The View and was equally as annoying.

Lauren - "Flat on the Floor"
Beautiful girl, hideous outfit. That could be her tagline. Fringe on a belt?? That said, she was the best of the night so far.

Randy's "In it to win it" tally - 63

Scotty - "Gone"
That was more upbeat and fun than we've ever seen him. Now, that was the best so far. That's the first time I've actually enjoyed a performance by him.

Randy's "In it to win it" tally - 94

Haley - "You and I"
Jimmy had her sing an unreleased Lady Gaga song. Are they priming her to win? She looks like a mermaid -- the one from Splash. I think the song worked. I wish I liked her more so I could be excited about it. Wow, she gives some serious crusties when she's criticized. She has a major attitude. YUCK.

James - "Without You"
It was powerful and moving and raw. It was off in several parts, but overall it was very, very good. I love his more intimate songs. The final few seconds of the song were even a little, gasp, Broadway (which was kind of weird). He looked like he'd just finished singing, "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables. Strange.

Steven Tyler's "beautiful" tally - 1, 193

Jacob - "Love Hurts"
Jimmy seems to be sabotaging Jacob . The judges say "Do more Luther" and meanwhile Jimmy is saying (pre-recorded), "If he does more Luther, I think he's going to be in trouble." The judges and Jimmy are at odds A LOT. I think Jacob is making it hard to like him, too, with his constant and effusive self-praise. Blech.

Steven Tyler's "beautiful" tally - 2, 726

Lauren - "Unchained Melody"
I didn't love it. It was a lousy arrangement and boring. Yawn. I think Lauren's parents vomit in their mouths a little every time Steven ogles her.

Scotty - "Always On My Mind"
Jimmy's right. The judges constantly give the conflicting advice, "Be yourself" and "Do something different."I've said that many times over the years! These Judges vs. Jimmy boxing rounds are kind of entertaining. Scotty's performance of this song, however, was not. Boring, boring, boring. I liked it better when he was jumping around. But his grandma's cute.

Steven Tyler's "beautiful" tally - 2, 989

Haley - "House of the Rising Sun"
Awesome a cappella introduction. That was really, really good. And wow, the judges are on their feet. Wow. Now she's smiling. Too bad she's so annoying. She needs to learn to take criticism as well as she takes praise.

Randy's "In it to win it" tally - 137

My favorite part of the evening? Listening to Steven.
Predictions - Jacob's leaving.

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Oh, how I love the wonder of TiVo. On to results! All in one night! Huzzah!

Group Number

They started with a horrific group number. This group sounds absolutely TERRIBLE together. They don't blend at all. I feel badly for everyone who is watching Idol for the first time this year. I mean, the group numbers always suck, but this year's are especially bad. They usually pre-record and make them lip sync, but this year they figured, "Ah, screw it. They sound awful anyway. Don't bother." Either way, I fast forward.

WTH is Lauren wearing?!? Who is dressing her?!? It's hideous. Is it pants? Is it a skirt? Do I hear a motel lampshade? What on earth??

Haley sounds the best in the group. Too bad I don't like her.

Other Stuff

I hope Jacob had fun making the most boring Ford Music Video in the history of time, because he's so leaving.

"Hell's Kitchen" meets "American Idol"

Well, it looks like Jacob can be extraordinarily happy cooking omelettes. That bodes well.

Lady Antebellum showed us what it's supposed to sound like when voices blend together.

Mystery solved. Lauren's stylist is trying to kill her. (And we all nod and let out a collective, "Ahhhhhh!")

Jimmy basically destroyed Lauren right there on the stage. He said her lack of confidence is going to do her in, so he probably figures kicking her while she's down will expedite the process. Several points here. 1. He's right. 2. She's 15. 3. It's harsh. 4. It's how the industry is. 5. Would you be okay with your 15-year-old going through that? 6. He's right. I'm so conflicted!!

J-Lo always dances with wind in her hair even though it blows nowhere else. Curious.

Results

Scotty, Haley, and James are safe.

Child Labor Laws don't apply to or protect aspiring singers. Lauren is a mess.

Jacob is going home and so sings us out with a song that has no end. The show ended and he was still singing.

And that pretty much sums up Idol for me this season. They're singing and we're ready for closing credits. Bore.