Top 3 Sing 3

It's 1am. Don't ask. I'm on a hedonistic bender. Bear with me.

So, dweeby Ryan tells us how it's going to go down. 3 songs -- one contestant's choice, one Jimmy Iovine's chioce, and one judges' choice. Beyoncé was the mentor. She was super nice and has seriously muscular legs. We fast forwarded many things, so the SYTYCD dancers were jumping at me through the screen really fast.

Contestant's Choice

Scotty sang "Amazed." Some people in the audience held up individual papers that were supposed to spell Scotty, though regrettably, their 7 seconds of fame happened right when two of them switched places, so it spelled S-C-O-T-Y-T. It reminded me of this:

(Modern Family, Season 2, "The Musical Man")

Randy channeled his inner Urkel and it was good (Scotty's singing, not Randy's outfit).

Lauren sang "Wild One." She plodded into her practice session with Beyoncé wearing yet another hideous outfit. To see how she walks, you would think she doesn't know she's pretty. Crying shame. She wore gigantic flowers in her ears. It was boring but good (the song, not the flowers. Well, those, too). And the whole time she's on stage, all I can think of is how Steven must be ogling her and then I feel all gross, but I do giggle a little when I think of how Jimmy Kimmel has a whole weekly segment called, "Steven Tyler's creepy leer of the night."

Haley sang "What Is and What Should Never Be." It was really, really good. I love her voice and it was cool that her dad got to play guitar up there. She fell right when Thing 1 and I wondered aloud how she could run in those shoes. It went something like this: "How does she not fall when--oh." I think it's cool that she did a Zeppelin song. "Oh boy, a Zeppelin!" (Yeah, different kind, I know. But things pop in my head and I say them. Are you new here?)

Winner of Round 1 - Haley

"Winning!" See? I did it again. Squirrel!


Jimmy Iovine's Choice

Scotty sang "Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not?" That guitar looked huge on him and he was missing a ten-gallon hat. It was fun and good. I love to see a guy with a guitar hanging at his back. I'd call it "sexy" but he's 16 and that's just disturbing since I'm almost 40. And someone taught the letter people how to spell "Scotty" correctly.

Lauren sang "If I Die Young." She traded her ginormous flowers for ginormous pearl wheels. Ryan ad libbed about her legs and nylons and it was wrong on so many levels. I got chills when she sang (on this song, not the next one that gave J Lo "goosies"). She got lots of "beautifuls" from Steven, but none of us are surprised by that. She missed the key change, but recovered well. I suppose that after Haley's fall and Lauren's slip up there, it would be Scotty's turn next to flub it.

Haley sang "Rhiannon." I have never seen a diva make it this far. They lent her J Lo's wind fan. That was an Idol first. She didn't move her feet during the entire song. I'm not sure if it was the shoes or the wind. Our dog howled at the end. Another Idol first.

Winner of Round 2 - Lauren


Judges' Choice

Scotty sang "She Believes in Me" and I had flashbacks to my elementary school days. Kenny Rogers, The Carpenters, Carole King . . . all playing on the AM station on my parent's radio while we all got ready in the morning. Why? I don't know. My mom liked to call in and win stuff. But I digress. This was the third love song in a row for Scotty. Hmmm. I have to admit (Mom? Are you paying attention?) that I think Scotty is winning me over. And that's a non sequitur. It's not the love songs. It's just that he's endearing and good. The Idol people let all the parents talk on the microphone since Haley's dad got to play guitar. They're equal opportunity with that, but not with J Lo's fan. I think it's a conspiracy.

Lauren sang "I Hope You Dance" in a Cinderella ball gown. Thing 2 griped in an exasperated tone, "Finally something she wears that's not atrocious." And then added, "Well, it's not good either." And yes, he uses words like atrocious. Rhymes with precocious. He calls it as he sees it. I love our kids. I didn't love the arrangement, but she did a decent job.

Haley sang "You Oughta Know" and I thought it was all wrong for her. Sure, she kind of sounds like Alanis Morissette, but that's not at all her style. At least it shouldn't be. I like the blues on her more than that. It was a terrible song choice for her and someone had to tell the audience to stand up, because they weren't doing it on their own. It was that uninspiring.

Winner of Round 3 - Scotty

So, if you're keeping track at home, they're tied. I have no preference for who goes home, because I like and dislike them all equally for different reasons. I think Casey should've won, so I checked out a long time ago. And I'm going to bed now. I look forward to your thoughts.