Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Holy Sh%#dizzles!

So, 8 idols remain and only two of them are XX. And I have a feeling they won't last long when there are so many hot, talented XYs sharing the stage.

And whether they're male or female (or unsure), they were all judged by "The Most Beautiful Woman in the World" Jennifer Lopez, hereafter referred to as TMBWITW.

THIS is American Idol!

Paul - He sang "Old Time Rock-n-Roll" and he sang it really well. I loved the sax and tambourine bridge. The song may not be the most spectacular song in the world, but it's good and Paul sang it really well. And the guy and his voice and his dazzling smile, well, they all just make you happy.

Lauren - Of course she can sing "The Climb" better than Miley Cyrus. I mean, c'mon, that's purty kewl, right, y'all? I mean, like, I bet if Miley, could like, you know, talk, you know, like, to Lauren, she might ask, "So, what's it like to be on American Idol and how do you like singing on live TV and, like, can you believe you're in the top 8 and, like, how do you get your eyelids so shiny, and like, who picks your fluffy dresses, and like, were you like so sad when Pia went home and like is Ryan Seacrest really that short and like are those feathers in your earrings borrowed from Steven Tyler and like if you win, what kind of album will you put out and like do you think you'd want to be in movies or just sing and like what was it like to fall down the stairs?"

I have to agree that she sang better than Miley even if she dresses atrociously. Seriously, it's as if someone in wardrobe opens a closet each week and thinks, "Which outfit is the UGLIEST thing in here?" and then sticks it in Lauren's dressing room. Then, that wardrobe person throws a dart at a dartboard of shoe pictures and whatever shoes she hits, whether the style or color have anything to do with the outfit at all, that's what gets thrown in the dressing room next. And my guess is Lauren opens the door and says, "Oh wow!" and just makes sure her eyelids match some color that she sees in the ensemble. And I don't know that it's particularly difficult to sing better than Miley Cyrus, but just the same, Lauren did a great job. Though the high from her performances are always ruined for me when Steven leers at her and compliments her incoherently while she stand uncomfortably on the stage as he creepily disrobes her of the aforementioned hideousness with his beady eyes while the rest of us watch on live television.

Stefano - Is he still here? He talked about what separates the good from the great, but I tuned out, so I'm not sure which category he thinks he's in. He tackled "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men. Stefano is what it would look like if a deep-in-thought Joey Tribbiani (meatball subs) and a smarmy, schmoozing Guy Smiley had a baby. He did well and it got better throughout, but I'm bored. Are the lyrics prescient? I don't know, but I did learn that TMBWITW has a gutter mouth. Several Idol personnel kept the FCC busy tonight.

Scotty - "I Cross My Heart." Well, Scotty was one of at least three people who basically told Jimmy Iovine where he could go and, of the three, despite the love confetti the judges were pouring over him, I thought it wasn't great. I wish he'd sung the other song, too. I was uncomfortable the whole time and he nearly missed (and did miss) several notes throughout. Very talented and likable kid, but not his best work tonight.

Casey - "Nature Boy," no, "In The Air," no, I mean "Nature Boy!" Dude scatted. Those were some freaking AMAZING vocals. Just amazing! Casey is schooling us all on what "cool" and "sexy" are all about. Casey. Is. Hot. BEST performance of the evening, hands down. This was a VERY successful "No, thank you, Jimmy" moment. We rewound it to listen to it again, it was so good. Phenomenal.

Haley - "Call Me." She bugs me, but she did a good job. She wore a stained glass window shirt posing as a dress. And I'm pretty sure she got what were probably meant to be Lauren's boots, too. The judges criticized her song choice and she responded by over compensating. Cue Big Smile: "It's all about song choice!" Perhaps her lyrics will be prescient.

Jacob - "Bridge Over Troubled Waters." I wish he'd gotten a chance to redeem his little preachy "Man in the Mirror" moment. He didn't, but I'm glad Jimmy got on him for it at least. Jacob is a POWERFUL singer. He had such projection, control, and POWER in his voice. Whenever I hear Jacob sing, I have to say, "That! THAT is what Stefano doesn't have." Stefano is a very, very weak singer comparatively especially. When he was done, I exclaimed, "Holy Crap!" But Steven said it much better with, "Holy Sh%#dizzles!"

James - "Heavy Metal." I really want to like James and the kid has buttloads of talent, but when he mouths off to Jimmy Iovine (or sets things on fire), it's like he's really trying to make it difficult to like him. His was the 3rd GTH, Jimmy performance and it was phenomenal. I hope he doesn't do metal every time, but I think it's good he did it tonight and stayed true to what he wanted to do (though he could've done it without the lip). Well done. It was like a concert for sure.

Jimmy Iovine has egg on his face tonight. I have to admit that I was underwhelmed at the beginning of the season but WOW. They are all amazing.

So, let's review. 8 performances. 8 different genres.

Classic Rock, Country Pop, R&B, Classic Country, Jazz, 70's Pop Rock, Gospel, and Heavy Metal.

It all comes down to personal preference. Based on tonight, I predict:

Bottom 3: Paul, Haley, and Stefano
Leaving: Haley


Dr. Mark said...

Ooooomigosh! I'm like really worried right now and it's like really tense and stuff like that and I'm like wondering who's going home and stuff like that and I'm like hoping the guys all last, except for that Stefano guy.

And I think Haley's dress is actually a shirt from Steven Tyler's dressing room. It's the only explanation I can handle.

Great review!

J Fo said...

Hahaha! Too many funny comments for me to address here. Miley, the shirt-dress, Guy Smiley...HA! I love that Jimmy called Jacob out on the preachy thing. It's getting annoying. I think he should be in the bottom not PAUL!

I think it should be the end of the road for Stefano.

Robynne said...

What a bummer it was Paul and not Stefano or Haley - I realize they all have to leave except the winner at some point, but some people should NOT still be there!

Good calls Stacy!!

I don't think Jimmy is too helpful, and I'm glad to see them standing up to him, but they do need to do it respectfully, he's earned it on other things.

MANY good performances, a few bad ones (ahemmm Stefano, Haley)...wrong person left again. :(

Boquinha said...

UGH. How in the world did Paul leave before Stefano? Who the heck is voting?? I blame Marc Anthony.