Bright Spots

The past week has been rather difficult in some ways but with bright spots. Celebrating my Dad’s birthday has been bittersweet. I'm aching for my mom and some of the experiences she's been having have brought me to tears yet she and I are enjoying a good relationship. Work has been super busy which is exhausting and yet such a blessing—we’re so thrilled and happy and blessed. I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed and like I can barely keep up yet somehow I’m doing it. I’m grieving (absolutely amazing how many reminders there are all around you all the time) yet functioning. And there have simply been various stressors going on for me. It’s been a tough past few days. But today has been full of bright spots sent straight from heaven. And throughout the day, my spirits have been lifted higher and higher (and boy, I’ve needed that). The bright spots really started yesterday right before bed with a couple of phone calls with some very good friends who were simply good to talk to about anything and everything. And today . . .

1. We are having SO much fun as a family. We have a ton going on, we’re super busy, we’re a bit overwhelmed, yet we’re all talking nicely to one another, genuinely enjoying one another, doing a lot of laughing, getting lots of “just because” hugs and kisses, and simply loving learning and having fun. And we’re truly loving having our business in our home.
2. One of our clients (he sees both Mark and me) stopped by our house this morning to deliver a belated Valentine’s gift to us—a book he got us on a holistic approach to depression. He says it’s important to do a nice thing for someone every day and that that was his for the day. He said that my reaction made his day. I thanked him and said, “Well then, let it fill your day with goodness!” He smiled and said he would. I asked how he’s doing and he smiled really big and said, “Really, really well.” We’re thrilled. We’ve been able to play a part in helping him overcome his alcohol addiction and he’s so thrilled with how it’s going, as are we. Very fulfilling.
3. I got an email from a great friend simply telling me that she loves being friends and neighbors and co-homeschoolers with me. Her timing was perfect—it was a great boost to my morning.
4. I got a hand-delivered, handwritten (who does that anymore?! It felt SO personal and heartfelt) letter from a sweet friend I’ve had for years that sent me over the moon. I’ve no doubt it was sent straight from heaven. While reading it (after she'd left), I even thanked her out loud to the room, to whomever. K looks at me and raises an eyebrow and says, "Um, she's not here." LOL! And it arrived within minutes of my giving a presentation as a guest lecturer to a support group in our community. The timing and content couldn’t have been better. This leads me to my next point.
5. I gave a presentation today--I was mostly excited but yet a bit nervous because it’s been a while since I’ve done it. And it was rather brave (or crazy?) of me to agree to do it weeks ago because who knew how I'd be feeling with everything going on. I really wanted to do it and give it at least a try. But once I got going, microphone in hand, I was soooo in the groove. That is truly one of my niches. I absolutely love groups and motivational speaking. It was such a great group and the participation was good and fun. It went really well!! And I felt so boosted by the experience. My friend even told me I passed the "Jim Test." Apparently "Jim" is a very nice, but particular and vocal-about-his-opinions gentleman in the group who doesn't always like the speakers and he went out of his way to tell my friend that he loved it. And apparently that's a big deal and a huge compliment! Very, very nice to hear. I am really enjoying the work I’m doing on the side. And I feel it’s, not without its pulling and challenges, making me a better person in many ways. What a blessing—we love what we’re doing.
6. A highlight for me at the group was being introduced by my friend who asked me to give the lecture today--I’ve also known her for years through our homeschooling group that we’ve founded together. She introduced me as “my very good friend” and that really felt good to hear. I mean, I know we’re friends, we email often, and we enjoy our monthly outings to the local coffeehouse for tea, cocoa, and chatting, but it felt good to hear it. And so publicly to boot.

The irony in all that is that I came across (without even looking for it—it was on the front page of news I check online daily) an article that talked about little touches in friendship making a big difference to someone who's struggling. Here are some excerpts:

"The best emotional support I received was from friends who really let me talk about how I was feeling," says Cathy O'Shaughnessy, a Glenview, Illinois, mom whose son Kyle, 8, was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when he was 2. "No matter how sad or angry I was on any given day, they didn't act uncomfortable or judgmental. Talking to them helped me reach a point of acceptance about Kyle's illness, which in turn helped me get proactive about his care."

. . .

Give her time. The desire to talk often extends well past the height of the crisis. Jinny Breedlove of Katy, Texas, needed to talk about her stillborn second son long after his death. "Many of my friends, without saying so directly, let me know that it was time to stop talking about him," says Breedlove. "But I had one friend who kept calling for months after our son died -- ostensibly to chat but really to listen to me. It meant so much that she called for so long, and that all she did was listen."

Don't try to solve the problem. "We all have a tendency to want to rescue someone we love, but charging in just makes people feel incompetent and overwhelmed," says Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Ph.D., a research associate at the Family Research Laboratory, University of New Hampshire, and author of The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood: Coping With Mothering Stress, Depression, and Burnout.

. . .

Send loving notes. A card or even an e-mail saying "I'm thinking of you" is always welcome. If you can include a compliment -- "You're doing such a good job dealing with this; it must be so hard to do it all!" -- it's even better. A kind reminder of the courage your friend is showing can end up helping her feel empowered.

. . .

If she's truly unwilling to accept practical help, don't push it.

. . .

Make a point of remembering the dead. When a friend has lost a loved one, a phone call on that person's birthday or other significant anniversary will be a comfort when the rest of the world has moved on.

That point in the article is an interesting one, because my Dad’s birthday was really just a few weeks after his death. And though she didn’t time it this way on purpose, our friend still felt impressed to do it when she did and look what we got in the mail as we bittersweetly celebrated my Dad’s birthday:

What a boost. Really, what a boost. And OMIGOSH so amazingly yummy to boot! “Fresh from the Factory” really DOES make a difference and WOW. Wow!

These boosts are just what the doctor ordered. I needed this today. I really did. And I’ve felt buoyed and strengthened and lifted by them, more and more throughout the day. So much so that I did something I haven’t done in quite some time. I was very early to the presentation so I stopped at the grocery store next door to the support group location and bought flowers for my husband and kids—individual (and individualized) bouquets for all of them. They have been a MUCH bigger hit than I would’ve guessed. They’re all in individual vases and they’re gorgeous—we can get pictures of them, too. The kids have been reading stories to the flowers and singing “rock-n-roll” to them all afternoon “to make them happy.” I've told the kids that I knew the flowers would be pretty but I didn't know they'd be such a source of fun!

Writing on our blog is therapeutic to me. It’s a form of journaling and I enjoy it very much. And I love the comments. So, as I’m getting ready to hit the post button, in comes yet another email from yet another friend with a sweet message on which to wrap up this day. I have really, truly needed this. I am feeling looked out for, cared for. I feel calm and good and rejuvenated by this day and I’ve not expected that (given some of the stress I’m experiencing) though I’ve needed it very much. And if the law of attraction has any merit whatsoever (and I firmly believe that it does), I’m pleased with how it’s working. These “Bright Spots” are a welcome blessing today.