BILs and SILs - Part 2 or Oprah, are you there?

Mark and I got married in Manti, UT. His next youngest brother (Doug) was on his mission and wrote me the sweetest "Welcome to the Family" letter that I continue to treasure. David entered the MTC 2 days before our wedding. Greg and the twins (Michael and Scott) stayed in California and attended our reception there about a week later. I remember specifically that at the reception, Greg was being very sweet to me and, if I recall correctly, had given up some sort of sports thing to be at our reception (playing high school sports has always been pretty big on that side of the family) and when I said thank you, he said, "Well, you're my sister now." And I think I melted a little.

So, I'm the oldest daughter-in-law and the first to marry into this great family. I love my in-laws. Growing up, I was always nervous about marrying in to a family and being accepted and loved (I know how hard, stereotypically, it can be for girls to marry in. Boys? They seem so instantly well received. I don't know why that all is. My parents adore and practically worship Mark. The running joke on my side of the family is that everyone wants to marry Mark. Hands off, Uncle Joe! He's MINE!). My worries were just that--worries. Mark's parents have welcomed this Portuguese Boston girl into the family and have always treated me as one of the family--besides the general manner in which they treat me, a couple of examples come to mind:

Mark and I had been married just over a year when we went to CA to attend Doug's (he's the second oldest) wedding (the only of the brother's weddings to date that has had all siblings in attendance). At one point during the picture taking, the photographer was getting everyone positioned after having called out "Family only for this one" and from her arm signals, I wasn't sure I was supposed to be in the picture. I sort of hung back, not sure what to do. I still wasn't sure how I fit in since I was a "married in." My father-in-law spotted what was going on and immediately, without any hesitation at all, motioned me in and said, "She's family." I could've cried. I felt loved and a part.

Doesn't Jenny look fabulous in her dress?

Years later when I graduated with my Master's Degree, my in-laws did something that, to me, was totally unexpected but to them was the natural thing to do. They came to show their support! I was floored. I was so very humbled by that. I'm an in-law, right? A "married in." I'm not one of their own kids, yet they came to support me because to them, I most certainly am part of the family. Again, I felt so loved and very much a part of the family. It was especially nice, because my parents weren't able to come as my Dad had just had multiple heart attacks and open heart surgery. I was so upset to not have them there. And yet Mark's parents went out of their way to attend, tell me how proud of me they are (my dear mother-in-law even pointed out that I'm the first Foley to receive a graduate degree and that, to me, was one more instance of feeling very much a part of the family--she didn't lump me in only with my side of the family, she included me as an actual Foley! I was so touched by that), and take the three of us out for a celebratory dinner. It was especially fun since I got to tell in person them that weekend that I was expecting our next baby.

(Do you hear Barbara Streisand crooning yet?)

My in-laws also did a super cool thing and surprised us in Arizona in 2001 with a visit when I threw Mark a surprise Board Exams Party halfway through medical school (it was such a fun party). We had friends over, good medical-themed food (hippocratic loaf, tennis elbow macaroni salad, cracked ribs, etc.), and latex glove balloons! As we're all sitting around the front room of our super pimped-out trailer (thanks for the description, Terah!) talking and laughing, a car pulls up. It stops. We're all watching trying to figure out who it is and why someone is there and was it someone from our ward or something? I freaked out--it was Mark's parents!! They drove like 12 hours from California and totally surprised us and I thought it was AWESOME. I seriously think they launched themselves even higher in the "cool" stratosphere with that move. We love that they did that. (I kind of like surprises like that).

We surprised them with a visit as well that same year and that was a lot of fun. We had visited before that in 1998 and it was fun to visit again:

Mark has since these pictures grown a goatee and I love it. I think I really like facial hair on the Foley boys.

Anyway, I love and am grateful for my in-laws, all of them. I think especially being the oldest ones and the first to get married, first to have kids, etc., we sometimes get the impression that we must seem so old and distant, but we're really not. And less and less all the time as everyone else gets older, too. ;) :P

Okay, so there's us. In a nutshell . . . Mark--awesome husband, dad, and doctor. Me--wife, mom, and counselor. Thing 1 is the oldest grandchild and also the first (and has been, until recently, the only) granddaughter on Mark's side of the story. She's the first Foley girl by blood. Even Grandma and I can't tout that! I don't think I'll ever forget the look on Mark's mom's face when she first saw Kate--her smile spread across her face and I don't know if I'd ever seen her face shine so brightly with sheer joy. Thing 2 is the first (and only to date) grandson on my side of the family. Pretty fun. And my dear mother-in-law, mother to SIX boys, came out to help us and stay with Kate while I was in labor. She cooked for us and generally took care of things so I could rest leading up to labor and it was awesome to feel so looked out for. Okay, so you know us. And by now you know that I am the queen of tangents.

Next oldest is Doug. He's married to Jenny. They have two boys and they have a girl on the way. Not that long ago, he graduated from Law School and they moved from UT to CA where they live close to both sets of parents. When they first got married, we got to hang out with them now and then (they were in SLC and we were in Provo) and we'd get together, eat out, stuff like that. I also got to go wedding dress shopping with Jenny which I thought was A LOT of fun! And she looked really beautiful in her dress. And the dress she picked was one of 2 dresses I had narrowed my own choices down to when I chose my wedding dress over a year earlier--neat, eh? When we went up to UT from AZ for out-of-state rotations for two years in a row (both to take a break from AZ and to visit extended family and friends), we'd get together with them again. We travelled up north and got together with them and David the first year:

And we also got together the second year (they were awesome to come down to see us--we weren't able to get up to Provo as much that year as the year before with some drama on my side of the family with my brother and his family (who lived in Richfield, UT) and with me having really bad morning sickness. A dislocated knee also prevented me from fitting in the car (I dislocated it while we were up there). How cute are these two?!:




My favorite memory from that is of a pregnant me and a pregnant Jenny mini-golfing with our husbands and kids. Kate (yeah, yeah, Thing 1 has a real name) and Patrick had SO MUCH FUN running around playing their own version of "golf" and chasing each other around the townhouse in their jammies, laughing hysterically, and generally goofing around. It was awesome. We haven't yet met Andrew and he's turning 6 in a few months. (Gosh, this is awful. I mean I know it's been a while, but typing it out makes it feel even worse. Our readers are going to feel compelled to take up a fund or something. Maybe Oprah will see this post and reunite us all. Oprah, dear, if you're still reading, bless your heart. And if you're feeling extra generous, there's this little thing about student loans . . . ). Anyway, we've probably been able to spend the most time of everyone in this way with Doug and Jenny so far due to proximity during school. (Do you guys remember Cafe Rio? Yum.). And it was fun while it lasted. They do a lot of fun things as a family and every picture of their boys always shows very big grins, very happy boys! Jenny's known the family for a long time since she grew up in the same town, same school, same ward. A fond memory I have of them is when Doug and I would write letters while he was on his mission and soon to be home and he'd talk about Jenny. It became pretty obvious pretty quickly that he was smitten. And I was very excited at the prospect of getting a SIL on that side of the family.

David and Emily came to visit us in Arizona in 2001 after they got engaged. It was nice to meet Emily and visit with them. She is so totally cute and easy to talk to. They got married later that summer and we were so excited to be able to be there (we thought they were going to get married in Utah and we were doing out-of-state rotations in middle-of-nowhere town, Utah, so perfect!) except that they got married in New Mexico. And we couldn't finagle a way being 3 hours each way from the airport and with Mark's rotation schedule and with the medical school being really strict about that rotation to make it work, so we were stuck. (This is probably about the time that resentment for the medical professional system began to creep in for us. And it got worse as time went on, especially in residency). We've seen Emily 1 time since they married (on our move out here--see picture in previous post). Dave is a super nice guy and we got to enjoy his being close by at BYU for a while before we moved to AZ. He helped us move our digital piano when we got that.
And we'd have him over to our newlywed apartment to hang out. It was nice and comfortable and easy. And as you can tell as you keep reading this and seeing pictures, we've actually seen David quite a bit over the years in CA, UT, and AZ (as I've blogged, I've noticed that he's visited us quite a bit in AZ). Emily and I have bonded over stuff via email and phone. I remember one time seeing something she'd posted someplace and literally running to the phone to say, "Omigosh, ME, TOO!" and we talked and laughed for a while. It was fun. I hung up saying, "I like Emily!" Mostly, after we set up the family blog, Emily caught the blogging bug in a MAJOR way and started several blogs including the popular Emily's Something as well as a Recipe offshoot blog! She is a lot of fun and I'm really enjoying getting to know her better through not only her blog but also the fun comments she puts on our blog. I can't say enough what a wonderful tool blogging has been for all of us! Check out her blog--she always has something fun and there's always lively discussion in her comments. She even has daily features and fun sidebar stuff (recipes, jokes, etc.). Dave and Emily are the awesome parents of 2 very cute boys, Isaac and Noah, neither of whom we've met yet. (OPRAH, are you still reading?!) And they are super thoughtful with staying on top of things like birthdays and cards in the mail--they may actually win the award for "best at keeping in touch" with things like that. Though everyone's making a concerted effort to do more of that, they're among the pioneers. Dave and Emily are NICE people and always make you feel like they care. Anyway, check out her blog--it's really something! :) (Groan).

(I might note that as newlyweds, we diligently wrote Doug and David almost weekly while they were on their missions. We fared worse with Greg and even worse with the twins (sorry, guys!), but we did at least write to all of them even if it was an overall decline in performance. Ugh.)

Greg and Jessica are next! Greg and I have always gotten along well. Maybe it was his sweet comment to me at our reception in Cali, I don't know. But I've always really liked Greg a lot. And when he came down to visit us in Arizona and introduce the girl he was dating who, to that point, I'd heard a lot about on the phone from Greg, I could've fallen over. She's beautiful!


I knew from hearing about her on the phone that I was probably going to like her and Greg knew that I would like her and he was absolutely spot on. Though she towers over me in height (I'm a very short 5'2 and she's, well, c'mon it doesn't take much to be taller than I am, but I think she's 6 feet tall--of course everyone taller than me seems 6 feet tall . . . ). I digress. And she's sporty (which I so am not--I may well win the prize for "least athletic by far" in the family. I wear it proudly. I hated P.E.) and plays volleyball (there's a whole world out there for people who are tall!). I digress again. So, we don't have those things in common, but oh my holy she's a nerd, too! (In our house, that's a total compliment). She likes books! And her favorite book is Jane Eyre! There are other things, too, that Greg had already pointed out to me that we'd share in common, but the nerdy stuff stuck out right away and has continued to do so. We both actually like grammar and reading and writing and teaching and learning. I don't feel like a dork around her if I get excited about a comma or an apostrophe or a well-written piece. It's great! And Kate adores her and took to her instantly. They got married that December (2002) and I was not allowed to travel by my O.B.'s orders since I was 9 months pregnant. They felt badly that we would miss out and we did, too, but we were SO excited for them to get married! And what a good-looking couple they are. Greg and Jessica came down to visit us for Maxim's (yep, Thing 2 has a real name, too) baby blessing and Kate's birthday (her birthday is a day after Uncle Greg's, so we celebrated together). (Dave came down, too, and we can't remember why Emily didn't join him--she was away some place or something? Do you remember, Em?)





We also share a love of not only great literature but also using literary names for our kids (both of our kids' names come from literature--and I don't mean The Cat in the Hat). They have a gorgeous baby girl named Emerson (Emmy) and I know they know this, but I *love* her name. I love Emerson--he's one of my favorite philosophers and writers and it's a name that's been on our list of favorites, too, and we think it's great. And it totally suits her--oh, she is such a cutie! Kate is so thrilled to have a baby girl cousin on the Foley side (and more on the way!) and we all love to see pictures of her. We haven't yet met Emmy either (Oprah, do you hear me?!!), but we love her. Anyway, we are loving keeping in better touch with their awesome family by blogs, email, etc. and we love to hear from them by comments or email or whatever! They have also recently started a fun blog and you can find that here! (In case anyone has gotten sidetracked by my utter verbosity, this is a spotlight post for links on the right, remember?)

Scott and Lindsay just got married this past December (see previous post). Scott is the BIL that I've always described as looking like a "Calvin Klein Model." He and his twin brother Michael are the ones farthest from us in age (though it's still not that much). That becomes less and less of a factor as you get older, too, but when Mark and I were dating, the twins threw toy cars at me from the doorway to their living room in Benicia and apparently that meant they liked me. I'm so glad they've outgrown that. :P I've talked with Scott and Michael mostly at weddings and holiday visits. The thing that cracks me up about them is that they seem so quiet but they're really not as you get to know them (a Foley trait, I think) and what I've observed and heard about how they are when they're simply hanging out with their friends is laugh out loud funny. We haven't yet met Lindsay. She is another tall, brunette beauty (so for those keeping track at home, there are 3 SILs of the shorter variety--me, Jenny, and Emily and 2 SILs of the taller variety--Jessica and Lindsay). (Em and Jenny, I sometimes wonder if they fully appreciate what we go through to reach things in our kitchens). My father-in-law has always talked about getting his Breck Girls (I'm dating myself again, aren't I? Just like I dated myself when I said I've always had a crush on John Cusack--though I am NOT his stalker, that's some crazy lady) Anyway (focus, Stacy), Breck Girls. (I'm a brunette, Jenny's a redhead, so he thought a blonde would naturally follow just to make his dream come true. As his luck would have it (he proudly calls it the Foley curse though I secretly think he's the only one who has it), 3 more brunette daughters-in-law have followed. Ah well, he can hold out hope with Michael. Though if he does that, Michael might just marry someone with radically violet hair. That'd be fun.). Anyway, Lindsay and I have instant messaged, at times almost daily, since they got married and we've found we have quirky things in common and can talk about just about anything! We have not seen Scott (though we've talked with him on the phone) since before his mission in November 2001 when we got together for Thanksgiving (I'm throwing in an older picture, too). Scott's the one we haven't seen the longest by far.

Thanksgiving 1999

Thanksgiving 2001

(By now Oprah's writing that check. I just hope she's not planning to make this an Oprah show since the boys aren't big on that kind of attention. Something simple like a week at the beach would suffice. Or maybe Europe). Anyway, they have also started a blog and it's a lot of fun to see that and get comments from them as well. Though we were initially bummed about them not coming to Philly for law school, we're very excited about their move to FL this month!

This was actually a really fun post to write and a fun stroll down memory lane. I love, love, love that blogging is helping us all keep in touch and share stories and joys and struggles and pictures and love. I'm very grateful for that. We live the farthest from everyone and we don't get to see everyone as often so the blogs are a lifeline of sorts. We're really excited for Grandma and Papa to visit as it's been over a year and the kids are so excited--we all are, especially since in that time, we've moved, started our own business, etc., so we're super excited for them to see it all! Also, I think with the stress and sadness of my Dad's passing, with our new house and clinic--I don't think a day goes by that we don't look at one another, our garden, our home, and think of how badly we want them here to share it with them. They're so easy to host and it's so fun to sit around and talk and talk and talk. Oh and the eating! Musn't forget that. It's always fun to feel looked out for during visits. It's like squeezing "Family Sunday Dinners" into a week and we enjoy it.

We do love them all and are grateful for them, their friendship, and their love as well. And we're excited for whenever we all get together for a big fun reunion (we're working on a way to do a big homeschool USA road trip in the next couple of years) and, truth be told, we're especially excited for mini-reunions as well whenever anyone visits anyone else--I absolutely LOVE the idea of individual families hanging out together now and then. We've been unable to travel that far for the past couple of years with how things have been and now that we're a bit more stable, the economy sucks (Oprah, still there darling?). We know we're in the Eastern boondocks and we've recently learned that we're not the only ones trying to get out there, that some of them are trying to figure out ways of visiting us here, too, and that really made us feel good, even if it might take years, it still makes us feel very loved. We love you guys!