Economy Woes

Is the economy scaring anyone else? It's depressing to get going on your career and paying back loans right when the market tanks.

And you drive by the IRA place and they have a sign up that says, "The sooner you start saving, the more you have when you retire." So you take a deep breath and try to figure out where you could possibly cut back.

Because at the grocery store the other day, when you went to stock up on food items to have on hand, you started to cry (and get grumpy) when you saw the price of cheese. And then decided not to get any. Cheese! Are you kidding? It's one thing to not eat out or get extra toys, but cheese?? And yet I seriously refuse to pay some of those prices!

So you shop at the Amish grocery store which has really cheap groceries (you just have to check the expiration date) And hey, they have cheap yogurt cheese. And you're grateful you even have that option.

Since milk is $4/gallon as is gas.

And people are scared. And they're spending less. Which means you're making less. But you think it's a lull simply because it's a busy time of year and people are vacationing. That one guy in town says that June is his slowest month every year, so you hope that's it.

And you're trying to not freak out since you're in the middle of taking a leap and making your mortgage a 15-year deal instead of 30, you know, to save money.

And you sometimes feel like your stomach is tied up in knots when you crunch numbers ad nauseum. Because you've always been terrified of another depression (as in "The Great Depression" as well as that other one). And as parents, you really freak out, because the depression was a scary, awful, dark time. And you don't want that.

And, funny enough, you're not really scared, because you feel a sense of calm that everything is okay. You know it is. You feel guided and know it's all fine. The media spins stuff and even if they're right, yes, the economy IS scary right now. But it'll be okay.

And really, the reason you're even feeling down and blue at all is because when the world is a scary place, you think of how your parents are there for you. And that they'll never let you starve or do without. And that they'll always be there. And you'd never, ever, in a million years take advantage of that, but the knowledge is comforting. Like a warm blanket. And you know they love you and look out for you . . .

. . . and then you consider that your father isn't there any more. And you don't fully understand, more than a belief in what you've been told, where he is. And even though you didn't exactly talk to him daily or anything, you've always known he's there. And that he loves you. And that he wouldn't ever let you starve or do without. There's always been that quiet knowledge. Like a warm blanket. And you miss him terribly. And you feel a little angry as well as a lot sad.

So you learn that when the world is a scary place, you miss your Dad even more. Because you miss that warm blanket. And more than that you miss his voice, his presence, his strong hugs, his advice, his just because gifts, his kindness, his warmth.

And you feel blue for some reason today. You're fine for days and weeks and then you cry for some reason (cheese?).

I'm really missing my Dad. I think it's that I'm feeling kind of stressed and over the years, I've always had a quiet assurance that my Dad's there looking out for us, not letting us go hungry or anything crazy like that (and no, we're not going hungry--it's an expression). There's something about always knowing your Dad is there. So, I feel exposed somehow. And wanting, I guess. I don't know. Bleh. Sorry to be a downer.