Thanks

Thanks so much, everyone, for all the comments on the previous post. 17 comments. Wow! After I first posted it and reread it, I was worried that perhaps something I said might have made anyone feel awkward or nervous to comment for fear of saying "the wrong thing." That certainly wasn't my intent. I just want to say thank you. I appreciate every, single comment on there as well as the phone calls and emails I've received (even though I haven't much been up to talking on the phone).

The honest truth is I'm not feeling great. I'm feeling more down than I have in a while. Thursday, I felt pretty good, but it's been rough again since. I'm struggling, but feeling so down and overwhelmed. I've done so well for so long that this is kind of throwing me for a loop. I'm hoping it's simply a little bump in the road so to speak and that I can get back to feeling good again, because I've truly been feeling really, really good for a long time before this. I'm just feeling . . . I don't know. Down. It's very bizarre to me to be feeling much like I did at the start of 2008 at the beginning of this year, too.

My Mom called yesterday night to let us know that my aunt, her oldest sister, fell and hit her head and is in the hospital. She apparently doesn't look well and people don't seem to think she'll last long, but don't really know because no one knows what's wrong. They're running more tests. I feel depleted and sort of numb to it all or something.

Anyway, thanks for being listening friends. I feel like such a downer these days. I had a chance to go out with some friends yesterday but hemmed and hawed all day and turned it down about an hour before everyone got together--combination of not feeling up to it and the bitter cold. I'm having a hard time dragging myself out of bed every morning and I'm sleeping horribly. I was up at 2, 2:30, 5-6, and on and off all morning before I got up and ate breakfast at lunch time. Bleh. This really stinks. I'm trying to figure out what would help. I think it's balancing letting it be what it is and "leaning into it" with not letting it overwhelm me. I try to keep reminding myself of what I really do believe--grief has no timetable and everyone is different. I am trying to be gentle with myself, but yet, there's a little voice somewhere in my head telling me I must be weak since I don't seem to handle things in a "strong" way sometimes. I know that there's nothing wrong with that and that that doesn't make me a bad person, but I can be my own worst critic sometimes (aren't we all?) and that's not helping. Plus, I know better. Bah.

Anyway, there's a cheery update. Thanks again for listening. I really do appreciate it very much.