Saturday, January 17, 2009


Thanks so much, everyone, for all the comments on the previous post. 17 comments. Wow! After I first posted it and reread it, I was worried that perhaps something I said might have made anyone feel awkward or nervous to comment for fear of saying "the wrong thing." That certainly wasn't my intent. I just want to say thank you. I appreciate every, single comment on there as well as the phone calls and emails I've received (even though I haven't much been up to talking on the phone).

The honest truth is I'm not feeling great. I'm feeling more down than I have in a while. Thursday, I felt pretty good, but it's been rough again since. I'm struggling, but feeling so down and overwhelmed. I've done so well for so long that this is kind of throwing me for a loop. I'm hoping it's simply a little bump in the road so to speak and that I can get back to feeling good again, because I've truly been feeling really, really good for a long time before this. I'm just feeling . . . I don't know. Down. It's very bizarre to me to be feeling much like I did at the start of 2008 at the beginning of this year, too.

My Mom called yesterday night to let us know that my aunt, her oldest sister, fell and hit her head and is in the hospital. She apparently doesn't look well and people don't seem to think she'll last long, but don't really know because no one knows what's wrong. They're running more tests. I feel depleted and sort of numb to it all or something.

Anyway, thanks for being listening friends. I feel like such a downer these days. I had a chance to go out with some friends yesterday but hemmed and hawed all day and turned it down about an hour before everyone got together--combination of not feeling up to it and the bitter cold. I'm having a hard time dragging myself out of bed every morning and I'm sleeping horribly. I was up at 2, 2:30, 5-6, and on and off all morning before I got up and ate breakfast at lunch time. Bleh. This really stinks. I'm trying to figure out what would help. I think it's balancing letting it be what it is and "leaning into it" with not letting it overwhelm me. I try to keep reminding myself of what I really do believe--grief has no timetable and everyone is different. I am trying to be gentle with myself, but yet, there's a little voice somewhere in my head telling me I must be weak since I don't seem to handle things in a "strong" way sometimes. I know that there's nothing wrong with that and that that doesn't make me a bad person, but I can be my own worst critic sometimes (aren't we all?) and that's not helping. Plus, I know better. Bah.

Anyway, there's a cheery update. Thanks again for listening. I really do appreciate it very much.


HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Keep praying. Keep taking things one day at a time. Above all, be kind and gentle with yourself. Life sometimes slaps you hard and it stings. It's hard to pop right back up and be strong all the time.

I'm going through a tough time now (albeit a much different, and much less serious tough time than you) - basically, my business has failed. It has been difficult and I have had MANY days when I have just STAYED in bed. Yes, I know it's not good for me and it "feeds" the depression monster, but remember you're made of flesh and blood... you are human and not perfect.

Anyway, my point is - the sun WILL shine again - you'll feel like yourself again - I promise. You're just going through a tough season in life right now. "Season" is the operative word. It will not last forever. Realize it's making you stronger, and you'll come through better and more resilient!

(We BOTH will overcome these tough seasons in our lives! I have no doubt!!) :)

Boquinha said...

Oh HWHL, I'm so sorry to hear that! As a fellow business owner, I know how important that is. That must feel so frustrating and difficult. You're going through a kind of grief, too. I'm glad you're being gentle with yourself. Thank you for your kind words and your friendship.

Jimmy said...

I was one of those that was worried I'd say the wrong thing. But after reading this post I want to say how badly I feel for you, yet how impressed I am at the closeness of your family. And last but not least, I'm hoping maybe the inauguration cheers you up some!

April (Thorup) Oaks said...

Stacy, I've been so worried about you. I hope you can find some sunshine soon. Would you agree that sometimes you know the way to feel better. You know all the logical answers to snap yourself out of something but sometimes it feels impossible to let your emotions take you there? I don't know. I think sometimes it's good to allow yourself to feel sad to help your body cope. Again, I just hope you can find a way back to that sunshine soon. My mom's best advice is that "another year will be better". Things don't get better quick, but they do get better.

I'm not meaning to lecture. I just wish I could magically say something to help you feel better. I do hope you will not feel guilty during these sad times though. Allow yourself to feel bad for a short while.

bythelbs said...

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are loved and admired for a reason. Good reasons.

Hoping more sunshine comes your way!

Boquinha said...

Jimmy! Thank you for commenting. I love to hear from you. I'm sorry you worried about saying the wrong thing. But thank you for commenting now. I so appreciate it and your thoughtful words. I noticed a lot of increased activity on our blog around Inauguration Day. I knew people were looking to see what we'd be doing. :P We are LOVING it! :)

April, thank you so much for commenting. Yes, I do agree with you. I very STRONGLY believe that within us lies the ability to know ourselves and know what's right to do and that learning to listen and trust ourselves is one of the best things we can do. I'm actively working on that. And yes, sometimes leaning into it is good. I'm trying to balance that with not being overwhelmed by it. It's tricky at times. Thank you for your sweet comment. I love it.

Lbs, that makes me feel so good. Thank you. I love to hear from you and I appreciate your concern. You're a good blog buddy.