Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bad Mood

It's been one of those days. The kind where you're irritable and stressed out and not so proud of yourself for your behavior. The kind of day where you want to give yourself a 35-minute time-out on the naughty step. Twice. The kind where you just want to go to bed and start over the next day.

But you can't yet. Because you still have a stinking audition show to watch. And we're still not done yet! Oh, the humanity! This is not helping my mood. In fact, this would be the complete opposite of helping my mood. Ellen and Hollywood cannot come fast enough.

The good thing is I've been told that people like my AI reviews better when I'm grumpy. So, today is apparently your lucky day.

Where to start? This. This is why I'm not in bed yet.

I stayed up to watch another annoying intro where Randy pretends to not know which city he's in. We get it, Randy. You're so funny. Ha. Ha.

I stayed up to watch Posh Spice dress and do her hair like an alien from outer space and to wonder if she ever eats at all.

I stayed up to watch four shallow adults who haven't ever quite outgrown high school try to manufacture a sob story where there really isn't one.

And then I stayed up to watch Kara fawn all over every sob story like it's a freaking Lifetime special. "This was very moving." Which part, Kara? That, *sob*, she has been singing karaoke for 3 years? Or the part where that one kid says he lived in Maui (or maybe North Carolina. Potato. Patata)? Or was it the one where the one girl cried when she fulfilled her lifelong dream of meeting Simon? Someone get a screen writer, stat!

I stayed up to fast forward image after image of the Colorado Rockies and gigantic crowds of people chanting what I can only assume was "No, I'm the next American Idol!"

I stayed up to watch Simon call someone lippy and mock her for being a single mother and for wearing a wig.

I stayed up to watch some guy who thinks he looks like Jack Black but didn't really.

I stayed up to hear about twenty "Yes or No, Randy?"s.

I stayed up to watch Dudley Do-Right try out for American Idol. Because you know if that strangely-conceited football player had dressed like a Mountie, he would've looked just like this:


I stayed up to watch some guy with the personality of Bucky Covington do a strip-tease-on-demand for the judges.

I stayed up to watch some kid sing as "community service." A service of what kind, I do not know.

I stayed up to find out that some girl wants to be the "first black pop country mainstream" artist. What? That's about the equivalent of saying you want to be the first Asian rock jazz alternative.

I stayed up because the producers made me think there would be someone naked on the show. Gasp! But no, instead, we got that disturbing bikini boy, not that we had to watch him make out with Ryan. And honestly? In the previews, they had the courtesy to blur out the image. It would've been less nightmare inducing if he'd been naked. I pray I don't remember my dreams when I wake up.

I'm going to bed.

23 comments:

Dr. Mark said...

I like your "angry" reviews. They've got a little more bite that way.

I think Posh finished her Tic Tac from last night before the show. That should tide her over for the two days in Denver.

That personality-less stripper needed a few more marbles in his mouth to be a true Bucky.

The community service was keeping other kids off the streets. No one in his right mind would hang out on a corner with that guy.

If bikini boy makes it on the finale show, I may scream profanities at the screen. Cover your ears children.

Boquinha said...

Oh great, Mark. Now I've got an image of bikini boy coming out on stage at the Kodak Theater and then SURPRISE!, out comes Randy throwing open his jacket to reveal . . . a bikini (a la Kara and bikini girl)! Urgh. I should just stay up tonight . . .

Jimmy said...

I missed last night's episode. The only thing bad about that is I know if I'd watched it Mark's and your remarks would be even more hilarious to me.

Loving the comment about the one calorie Tic Tac.

Boquinha said...

Jimmy, I'm sure we've talked about this before. One word: TIVO! You'll love it. I promise. :)

the emily said...

sorry about your day dude.

Boiled Chicken Dinner said...

I am sitting at work bored out of my flipping mind...thought to check the blog for some entertainment. WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED!!! I do not watch AI but man do I wish I had now, actually reading your account of what happened you painted a wonderful, hilarous portrait of exactly what I needed...a good belly laugh. I like you when you are sarky and pissy...keep up the good work. Miss you loads. Are we on for April????

Vivian said...

I was in the land of the "Lost" last night, so I haven't seen AI yet. Usually I prefer to form my own opinions first and then read your comments, but this was fun to get a head's up first. Sorry about your bad mood day and hope today is all sunshine and lollypops:)

Boquinha said...

Today is much better, thankfully. :) I hope you enjoy your viewing tonight. :) You get a double feature!

Cathy, YES, watch it! Watch it! Mark and I write weekly reviews when it really gets going and it's so much fun! I do snarky well, eh? :) As for April, YIPPEE!!!!!! Give me dates, please? Miss you, too . . .

Peg said...

Bikini boy works at the radio station I listen to. He said today that so far they haven't asked him to "drop" everything and go to LA but will let us know if they do. I think I need to change stations now!

Boquinha said...

Peg! That's right! You're in the mile-high city! Oh that's so funny. Is he a DJ? I wouldn't be at all surprised to see him at the finale . . .

kara said...

So feisty. Love it. And you nailed every reason I don't watch. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not missing anything. Instead I Hulu Bones reruns. And eat cookie dough. (Why can't I lose the weight?) Did you know Katie blogstalks you?

Boquinha said...

Kara, but one more night of this and then it's Hollywood! THAT is when it gets fun. It's competition from then on. Eat cookie dough while you watch THAT! :)

I do know that Katie blog stalks. I think she commented once. I like when she does, because it reminds me to check her blog. I am bad about checking private blogs since my reader doesn't get a feed from them.

Boquinha said...

The question is, does Randall blog stalk me?

katie said...

Stacy, I think I have commented more then once...at least twice, and this is probably the third! I just enjoy your insight, but don't really have much to say myself most of the time. Haven't had much time to watch AI lately, and honestly, I haven't really missed it. But I still enjoy your reviews.

Boquinha said...

Wow, Katie, when you blog stalk, you really blog stalk! ;) You have commented more than once. Several times more even.

AI is about to get fun. Next week. I hope everyone who hasn't been watching (you haven't missed much) starts watching. :)

Peg said...

You can now buy Bikini Boy's outfit on ebay - search for haiti bikini. Amazing!!

Boquinha said...

OMIGOSH! That's . . . I was going to say hilarious, but I have to admit that it's still disturbing. Did you hear about it listening to the radio today? :P

Chelle said...

You're making me glad I'm not watching these audition shows. I get all I need to know right here. So Ellen's not part of the auditions? But she will be a regular judge once the show starts? I don't get it.

bythelbs said...

I haven't seen this AI yet, and now I'm thinking I can skip it.

I hope your Wednesday was better than Tuesday and that your Thursday only improves on both.

Hugs to you!

Peg said...

Yes I did and I think the ony good part about it is the money is going to Haiti- That guy is strange.

Boquinha said...

Yep, Ellen starts up once they're in Hollywood (next week). I'm guessing it has to do with her daytime show -- she probably couldn't go on the road with them. She didn't miss much. :P

But Rachelle and Lbs and anyone else who hasn't watched yet. Start this week! This is where it gets fun! I love the competition weeks.

Lbs, thanks. Wednesday was better and Thursday has dipped a bit, but overall is fine. Not sure what's up, but thanks. :)

Peg, I read someplace that that guy has several tracks of songs he's peddling. I guess it must've meant more to him to make a joke than get his songs out? I haven't heard them, so I'm not sure how good he is, but I hear he actually sings!

J Fo said...

HEY! Sorry I'm late chiming in on this one. I've been out of town and didn't want to read it until I saw the show. I TOTALLY agree with your assessments. I'm really ready to move on to next week! I think the best thing about Posh is that it is like a fashion show. Show up looking hot and she'll say yes whether you can sing or not. Ugh.

Sorry you were having a rough day. If you need a good vent I'm the SIL for you! ;)

Boquinha said...

Jess, that's so funny! I have to say, though, that I love how positive and nice Posh is and I LOVE the way she talks. She phrases everything like a question: She's a cute girl, isn't she? That's a nice dress, isn't it? That's a brave song, isn't it? I love it!

You are so funny. I actually did think about calling you!!