Thursday, March 11, 2010

8 Nervous Boys and 4 Useless Judges

I am so pissed right now. First off, Idol starts with the GAYEST (80's sense of the word) introduction EVER. What was that?! Ryan walks across the stage in the dark and says each guy's name and looks at them while they try not to laugh? Somebody got fired for that idea tonight.

And Kara is Simon's binky? Honestly. They got rid of Paula, but kept Ryan and Kara and added Ellen to the mix. There might be some others getting fired for that, too.

Lee Dewyze - "Fireflies"
Still love this guy's name. Lee Dewyze. That's so fun to say! When he holds out notes, it's not so great. But I love his raspiness and edge and I really like this kid. I love his voice and his manner and am so glad he had his guitar tonight. Much improved. Really, really like this guy.

But Simon and his damn "moments," I could do without. They can't all be moments or they'd all be the same and not seem like moments at all.

Alex Lambert - "Trouble"
Great song choice. I'm so curious what the hair and make-up people will do with this mullet boy, because he is so sticking around. I love his voice. A LOT. And (shocking, I know) I disagree with the judges. I think he seems so confident, it almost makes you wonder if he faked not being confident before. His transformation has been so quick and convincing. Love this guy's voice and his stage presence.

But again with the damn moments. Tell you what. You 4 give us a "moment" in what you do and then let's talk. Idiots. Morons. Doofuses. They drive me crazy. I develop some kind of Idol Tourette's when they tick me off like this. Useless pieces of crap. Stupid morons. Pointless idiots.

Tim Urban - "Halellujah"
I love this song and was worried he was going to butcher it. He's no Jason Castro, but I have to say that this was one of his better performances. Ellen obviously thought so when she ran over and hugged him. That wasn't awkward at all for us watching on LIVE television. I was really starting to like him and be excited for his success tonight when he almost started backtracking for a second there. Tim, we all liked it, so don't suck up now.

Oh, and by the way, she's leaning into him. Just to clarify.

Andrew Garcia - "Genie in a Bottle"
Yay! Crossover! I do NOT understand what the judges are hearing (or in this case, not hearing). What is their problem tonight and what is their problem with Andrew? Is it because he's Hispanic? Because that's just racist. I don't usually play that card, but I am at an utter loss as to what it could possibly be!! It was acoustic. It was awesome. It was HOT! I have ALWAYS liked him and his style and his voice. I LOVED it and have loved his performances every week. He is one of my favorite guys in this competition. I do NOT understand what the judges' problem is. They have railed into him week after week. They slam him but praise the completely off-key teeny bopper?? What on earth?? I've liked him even when the judges don't. I am so sick of them beating on him. STUPID JUDGES. They need to stop it with the constant comparisons to himself. This guys stands out among so many wussy singers. He's in a league of his own (whereas little Aaron Kelly is completely out of his league). Oh but Aaron they like. Because, what was it? Oh yes, even though it wasn't a great vocal, it had "emotion." What the HELL is wrong with the judges?? I'm getting ahead of myself here, but suffice it to say. I really, REALLY like Andrew and hope he sticks around. Because despite what the useless judges say, he totally deserves it big time.

Casey James - "You'll Think Of Me"
He's grown on me. He's sexy. He's good. He's captivating. However, Kara wants to see more. Apparently making him take of his shirt the first time she met him wasn't enough. What if he hadn't looked good under that shirt, would she still be gushing, chin first, every week? I liked his performance. He's so safe it's ridiculous.

Aaron Kelly - "I'm Already There"
Three notes in, Mark yells, "Bye." Agreed. Another under 18-er that shouldn't be in the competition. No. Done. To this point of the evening, I've been wondering who to boot, but Aaron tops the list easily. He already topped the list before performing, but I'm an open-minded person and was willing to give him a shot. I cringed throughout the entire performance. He was beyond "pitchy." He was so utterly OFF KEY the whole time. But wait a minute! Randy said he thought it was "really good." To which I say, "WHAT THE HELL?!" And then Simon says, "That wasn't a great vocal but it had emotion." To which I say, "WHAT THE HELL?!" And after they lavished praise all over a 16-year-old for singing a song about a married man with kids who is away on business and excused it because it's "a nice song," poor 17-year-old Katie Stevens also thinks, "WHAT THE?!" Holy double standard. This song was a total mess. And when the judges watch it back, they're going to see how stupid they look. And, as with Michelle, they're going to take back what they said tomorrow night. Hopefully America is smart, as with Michelle, and stop listening to such useless "experts," because they're so useless, I don't even know why they show up.

Todrick Hall - "Somebody To Love"
Queen? This performance, while good vocally, was an insult not only to Freddie Mercury himself, but to Elliott! Elliott SLAYED this song. And now, no one can touch it. Who says? *I* say. The three giant background ladies were really distracting. What a stupid backdrop. Todrick is singing to save his butt on this show and meanwhile we're all going, "Wow, those are three really giant ladies up there." So stupid. Someone else just got fired. Todrick has a great voice, but he's not a rock star. And he's too Broadway (and I said it before Simon did, calm down). And again I ask, "What are they hearing?!?" It wasn't as good as they said. He doesn't have the chops for this kind of song. And Todrick himself is a very confusing contestant for me. Is his name Todd? Is it Rick? Is he Pop? Is he Broadway? Is he a dancer who can sing? A singer who can dance? I just feel confused.

Ryan, over there flirting with the underage girls in the audience? Pay attention. You missed your cue. Someone else just got fired.

Big Mike - "This Woman's Work"
He started with an Aaron Neville falsetto and then continued on with a phenomenal performance. He has a great voice. It was very moving and gave me chills (though it didn't quite move me to tears as it did Paula, er, Kara). He had one note that he held out quietly and then steadily grew in a crescendo. It was awesome. He borrowed Ryan's tie clip to do it, but other than that, it was Suh-weet! The stupid cameraman missed the standing "O" that I'm sure Randy gave him (someone else just got fired). Kara's crying. Simon's being kind. CRAZY!

Hopefully America sees how useless and tone deaf the judges are. I hope they kick off that tone-deaf teenager and Broadway Rick.


Dr. Mark said...

Great review. You're firing the whole crew and getting rid of contestants left and right. I love your passion for the show.

Jimmy said...

You're the Donald Trump of American Idol. Love it.

Boquinha said...

I feel so powerful. :)

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Anonymous said...

I can't take AI anymore! Ellen is so useless as a judge ("You are cute, you have a nice personality.") Kara is beyond annoying, talking with her chin and hitting on anything that moves (what is with her sitting so close to Simon?). Randy is a one trick pony "DAWG!". Is he even real (he says the same three catch phrases)? Simon looks like he can't wait to get out of there and I can't blame him. ARGH, I feel your pain!! -Kelly

J Fo said...

I think I have Idol Tourette's too! I couldn't even listen to the teenager. It was too sappy and fake for me. I'm bored with Tim Urban, but LOVE Alex Lambert's voice and Andrew Garcia. What were they listening to? Garcia was not desperate, he was doing WHAT THEY ASKED HIM TO DO! They're so stupid. Big Mike was great, but the tears? really? A bit over the top.

terahreu said...

I am reading your review as I am watching it. I agree, I agree. Tarick is a little too full of himself. I feel like I am watching Rent every time he gets on the stage. I also agree that Mr. 17 needs to go home and go back to high school, or join a boy band in Japan. Either one would be as fruitful.