Lest it seems all days run smoothly . . .

I think most of the time they do.

But sometimes, you feel stretched thin. Worn out. Like you go, go, go, and forget to get some down time, some "me" time (especially a challenge when you homeschool).

Sometimes you feel consumed with worry and stress about your own little corner of the world. And you realize you shouldn't even be reading the news -- not the financial news, not the world news, not even the entertainment news.

And sometimes, despite the fact that you're not a jealous person, you feel envious. Of little things. Of big things. Of other people's moms and dads and grandparents being around for them for general, hands-on help (seriously, Mom, if you were here, you'd so be getting the kids for the day -- they're fantastic and sweet as all get out. They aren't the issue. I just think they could use some Vavó time while I clean the overflowing mess--but I'm getting ahead of myself). Of expressions of gratitude. Of special, "just because" thoughtfulness.

And sometimes, in a room full of people you like, you can feel lonely and wrapped up in your own thoughts.

And all the while, you know your life is really, truly, freaking AWESOME. And you feel that way 99% of the time. But everyone has that 1%, I guess. And this week has started out as "one of those weeks." And it's nothing major. And I'm so so grateful for that. I'm just a little spent.

I had a great weekend. And then yesterday morning, I felt worn out. Like I should slow down and take a break. But I did stuff I didn't feel like doing anyway, for others, for my kids. I broke one of the principles by which I try to live and which I teach my clients -- "What's best for me is generally what's best for those around me." So, I ignored my own feelings and pressed forward. And felt my day spiraling. Nothing major. Just a feeling of being a little emotionally spent. (This may have something to do with this time of year always being hard for me, I don't know).

The blustery, cold weather doesn't help. Getting a text from someone that makes you roll your eyes but you have to keep it to yourself because you've vowed not to get in the middle of things doesn't help. Not finding a parking place doesn't help (actually, that kind of did, because I got to drive around a bit, quietly with my thoughts). Feeling aimless for 2 hours because I forgot my book (argh!) doesn't help. Feeling like you're not needed/appreciated doesn't help (I'm full on wallowing now). Returning a few things late to the library doesn't help. Feeling frozen in the middle of several things to do doesn't help. Trying to get things done and being constantly interrupted by a very active puppy getting into everything doesn't help (except that it is kind of funny).

So, yesterday felt very "bleh" for me. It was one of those days where, despite the fact that you seem to have free time, somehow you are not nearly as productive as you would think you'd be. Why does that happen? Why are we more productive when we're busy? Why do we think, "Ooooh, I could get so much done with one free day" and then when we get that day, we seem to squander it without even trying?

So, I went to bed and vowed to have a different day today. And it started off on the wrong foot. Weird sleep (and I am SUPER sensitive to this: good sleep=happy Stacy), slow morning, some crazy messes (I'll spare you the details), and the icing on the cake -- an overflowing toilet that completely drenched the floor and the floor of the adjoining room before I knew that it was overflowing. That's what sent me over the proverbial edge. And now we have to rip up the flooring, dry and clean it all, and reinstall the floor. (See, these things don't happen on those aforementioned free days, so this will be squeezed in between working and other necessaries).

I think there was a little crying this morning. A little cussing. A bit of melting down. It all just came bubbling out. And by a little, I mean a lot. Except the cussing. That was a little. But it was there nonetheless. I read a study that says that cussing relieves stress, so I was doing it for my emotional health. It's all good.

So, I guess this is the ying to my yang. I usually have REALLY good days, thankfully (yang). I choose to take comfort that there is balance in all things. I'm just dealing with a little ying. My life is good. Really good. I have no room to complain at all. Nor am I complaining. I'm just . . . a little down, I guess. A little spent.

Or maybe I'm trying to make others feel better about their days. Or perhaps I'm making sure I don't have one of "those" blogs where everything seems oh-so-perfect. Or maybe I've been subconsciously affected by Holden Caulfield, because I just read Catcher in the Rye (which I actually liked, but am concerned if it's true that all adolescent boys feel that way).

Anyway.

It's 10am and I'm wondering why I got out of bed. I'm usually up and showered and ready by 8ish. Today? I think I'll post this (writing always helps) and then attempt a shower. Ugh.