Top 12 . . . I think I'm a little bit bored

They all did well. No one was reamed. It was all a bit "zzzzzzzzzzzz" for me.

The movie trailer dude's voice announcing everyone didn't wake me up either. The judges walking out uncomfortably? Nope. I have always disliked that. Still sleeping. And must we clap for them twice? Also not stirring my interest. Quite the opposite actually.

Ah, a Stones montage. Our chance to tell our kids, "That guy is Mick Jagger. Really big mouth. Kind of weird." And, as if on cue, Jagger took off his shirt and did something strange-looking with his bony hips. I'm not a big Stones fan, can you tell?

Since I'm kind of bored by this Top 12 (and still annoyed by three who didn't make it in), I'll try to liven up the review a bit by sharing one new thing I've learned about each contestant from tonight's show and noting that Ryan always asks 1 stupid, follow-up question or states the obvious again after the judges' comment. Have I mentioned, yawn.

Big Mike - "Miss You"
What I've learned: Mike Dances Funky (and not in a good way)

He has a good false and weird moves. He's good, but I'm going to go out on a limb here (hardly) and say that he is NOT going to win as Bobblehead Kara predicts. He did a weird, pigeon-toed leg thing that made me (and Simon apparently) uncomfortable.

Ryan's astute follow-up was directed to the judges this time (have I mentioned, oh, once or twice how much I hate it when he has them clarify criticism?): "Which part of the dancing, in particular, was strange for you?"

Didi Benami - "Play With Fire"
What I've learned: Didi has claws.

I like her voice. It was a little blah for me.

It's weird when Ryan stares and claps at the contestants. I wish he wouldn't do that. But hey! He did have the keen skills to ask, "What was the idea behind going darker?"

Casey James - "It's All Over Now"
What I've learned: Casey has a nice family.

He has a nervous smile when he sings (he has got to lose that). I agree that he could use the stage more.

Ryan got distracted by their height difference, which caused him to make a really stupid blond joke (and by stupid I mean, not funny). And then asked the hard-hitting question, "You were nervous about using this guitar, weren't you."

Lacey Brown - "Ruby Tuesday"
What I've learned: Lacey sits a lot (and it's not helping her).

Wardrobe missed her torn hem, but that wasn't the biggest fashion issue going on. What was she wearing?? It's like she couldn't decide on a top. "Strapless vintage lace? Half a pirate shirt? Eh, both!" She was shaky and a bit robotic. I love the arrangement. And I was actually impressed that the judges gave decent criticism (because, seriously, when does that happen?).

Ryan pulled her around the stage by the arm after asking the thinker, "Do you feel yourself in your head thinking through each step, each camera?"

Andrew Garcia - "Gimme Shelter"
What I've learned: He collected keys, so his Dad had corresponding career aspirations for him (janitor). My kids collect rocks. Maybe if I expect "quarry worker," we'll get "rock star?" Oh, haha! I didn't even mean to have a play on words there. My subconscious must be cracking jokes while I try to stay awake for the show.

I like this guy. It was not great, but it was good. And he is good. It was a bit pitchy. However, I'm glad to see him get decent praise. It's about time. Though it's never good when the non-musical judge says, "What do I know? I thought it was the greatest performance yet!" Oh, I also learned that Kara is obsessed with "connections" (as in contestants connecting to the songs). Wait. I already knew that. It's also about time that the judges recognize that they give mixed criticism. I like seeing them admit that.

Ryan's insightful filler, er, follow-up question: "Did you feel like you were more comfortable earlier in the day, or . . . ?" (After the judges noted that he did better in rehearsal). Wound, meet salt.

Note to contestants: NO FINGER NUMBERS. Just don't do it. We don't remember them any better and you look like a fool. Just stop.

Katie Stevens - "Wild Horses"
What I've learned: She fit in a pot as a baby and was pitchy as all get out at her uncle's wedding.

She sounds better in her upper register. It was a good song choice. Too much flash spotlight on her hair hides its color and really showcases any spittle that might exist (not good). Did I miss the memo about short skirts being in? They did a cheesy split screen along with the awful spotlight. I guess she needs all the help she can get, especially since we're all trying not to be mad at her for taking a spot more well-deserved by someone else. It's displaced anger, we know. She did well.

No time for Ryan questions. Rush, rush, rush. (Thank the gods!)

Tim Urban - "Under My Thumb"
What I've learned: There are 10 kids in his family

I miss Alex Lambert. Those were the first words out of my mouth when he started to sing. I like the arrangement (the reggae-colored lights were total cheese ball, though). Zac Effron/High School Musical lovers will vote in full force for this kid. I will grant that he exceeded my expectations (while meeting Mark's). Kara keeps calling Randy and Ellen "the guys." Is that offensive? I don't know.

Ryan's question: (inaudible) . . . something, something, risk, Stones, something? (I may or may not have been sleeping). And, since Tim got the first (amazingly) bad criticism of the evening, he used the dreaded words, "I had fun." Ugh.

Siobhan Magnus - "Paint it Black"
What I've learned: She's from Barnstable. I've been there. She lives really close to my hometown.

It's so weird. She has SUCH a monotone personality. She started out all Tim Burton/Johnny Depp weird and dark. Almost Moulin Rouge-ish, too. It was kind of dark. And then she rocked out. I really like her. And I think she's VERY beautiful. She had another fashion fusion going on, though. "Prom dress? Combat boots? Both!"

Ryan really utilized on-air minutes this time by donning her glasses and asking her, "Can you see without them?" Wow.

Lee Dewyze - "Beast of Burden"
What I've learned: There are a lot of formerly (and present) shy people on American Idol this year.

Lee Dewyze. Every time they introduce him, I say it out loud. It's so fun! You try. Say it along with me. "Lee Dewyze." Isn't that fun? Kind of sounds like "Edelweiss." Only not. This time, we got treated to Ryan's inquests before and after. Lucky us. And Lucky Lee! Lee Dewyze. As if quesions afterward aren't enough, Ryan wowed us with some hard-hitting journalism by quizzing Lee on paint colors (are they KIDDING??). No. No, they are not. This also begs the question, why the rush after Katie if you have this kind of time on your hands? Oh, because you really, really wanted to ask about Snuffleperiwinklebush and cupid's arrow. And now we're all so enlightened. Thanks, Ryan. I think Lee looks like Harry Connick, Jr., which only scores more points in my book, since I happen to like Harry very much. Lee made it his own. I actually prefer this arrangement to the original (by a mile). I love his voice. I love the guitar. I love how he stands there with his guitar behind him and his hands in his pockets. I am so, so sick of Simon's "moments" (and Kara's "connections"). And hey, Simon? You sound effeminate when you say "Moh-ment." (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Ryan also asked, "Where are your nerves (on a scale of 1 to 10)?"

Paige Miles - "Honkey-Tonk Woman"
What I've learned: I might've fallen asleep for the next two performances. At least mentally. Oh wait! No, I remember. She has laryngitis.

It was kind of a weird transition to hear all about her singing in church to hearing her belt out the lyrics to this particular song. So, so weird. I'm guessing that wasn't the number at the Christmas pageant that had the people filling the pews (or maybe it was?). I miss Katelyn and Lilly. Dang you, producers!! Why didn't you take my suggestions and surprise us with an old switcheroo? How cool would that have been. And you know Idol people like water cooler talk. Well, that would've done it. She had a fashion issue tonight, too. "Where to put the belt . . . where to put the belt . . . I know! On my arm!" After Kara's bobbleheaded comment about her "voice issue," I really loved it when Simon sort of snapped into some sort of attention (you know, pulling him from his daydream while he scratched his nose with his middle finger, effectively flipping off 30 million Americans), "What's her voice issue?" Laryngitis. "Oh. I'm sorry. I checked out about 3 seasons ago. You see, I'm going to have this new show called X-factor. I'm bringing it over from England. I'm inviting Paula to help me judge. We'll look for talent. And I'll be wearing either white or gray t-shirts. It'll be totally different than this show." C'mon Simon, show up.

Ryan asked: "How much rehearsal could you do?" (It was actually interesting to hear that she had had none).

Aaron Kelly - "Angie" (or as these young singers seem to like to pronounce things these days, "An-jay")
What I've learned: Nothing new.

What on earth are they doing to his hair?? Other than that, I fell asleep. Someone fill me in. It was fine, good, a little dull. Simon's full of praise. Is it the new girlfriend? Isn't it a conflict of interest for him to be judging the contestants that are wearing the make-up his girlfriend puts on them? Hmmm? Kara's "you've got to connect" comments. Simon's "moments." BAH!

Ryan: "Hey, you've got pomade in your hair. Is it difficult to learn and connect?" (Don't encourage her).

Crystal Bowersox - "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (so was that some kind of mean shout out to her friend Lilly?)
What I've learned: She wrote a loving song about her dad as a teen.

You can just tell she HATES all the cheesy crap they make them do. From the group numbers to the stupid waves at the camera before commercials. Ick. She's so cool, she got to enter via the giant stage doors. She is so FREAKING amazizng. She makes it all seem so easy, so effortless. I am most relaxed while listening to her, above all others. She is already a star. She needs very little (if any) polishing like the others do.

Ryan: I know you're close to Lilly and you wear her feather in your dreads.

Who's going home: I'm not sure I care really. I'm not that invested this year so far. I'm still a bit miffed about the ones who got sent home this past week. I will say they were all good overall, so it's anybody's guess.

But if I had to guess: Ryan